Thursday, March 31, 2011

Skinny Jeans Part 2

I'm not sure what it is about these jeans.  I always thought skinny jeans were what people kept in their closet for when they got skinny again and could fit back into them.  But then I learned it's those jeans that are super close fitting, making everyone look like they have sticks for legs.

I was sure those jeans were not for me because a) I do not have sticks for legs.  My legs are nicely developed.  b)  my thighs are muscular and therefore nothing "skinny" or "straight: fits me.  and c) I never liked them.  Until I met Ann Taylor's skinny jeans.  You may have read my post about fitting into a 0, which I think is fully worth a good guffaw because a size cannot be 0 because 0 is nothing.  I was not naked when I had these on.

I wore them last week and felt all Audrey Hepburn in them.  They are truly the best thing I have ever put on my body.  They are as comfortable as leggings, but they do not look like leggings.  They are jeans with a decent wash on them, not that erased butt and thigh look like all jeans seem to have, these days.  They do not have any holes.  And because they are a slightly darker wash than I usually wear, I can wear them and sort of look put together, not like it's casual Friday.

I wore them again yesterday and fell in love all over again.  And I get compliments on them.  Unless your legs are a mile long and you're really fit, no one ever compliments jeans.  I swear I may put these on and never take them off again.

See how they are a little scrunched at the ankle? I had planned to hem them but I kind of like it.  And yesterday, thekiller over at tweeted this:  I'm wearing a pair of skinny pants with sneakers. I look like a Jonas Sister.  I laughed a lot.  I wasn't wearing the sneakers, so maybe that's why I wasn't feeling to Jonasy.  But I certainly see enough teenagers running around this building wearing skinny jeans and sneakers and I would agree that they must think they are permanently auditioning to be in a Jonas video.
I will swear on my life that these are not jeggings, though this picture might make you think slightly otherwise.  These are magical pants that don't even show panty lines.  I'm telling you, get me one in every color.   It's a very rare day that I am thrilled to pieces over a pair of jeans.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Well Magoo, You've Done It Again

That's probably not an appropriate title because Mr. Magoo was a buffoon and was always doing hairbrained things.  And I'm really impressed with myself on this one.  I've been sewing for a while and I've made a lot of quilts.  Until about 8 years ago, I always tied my quilts.  This means having to stretch the quilt out on tables and sewing the top to the bottom with embroidery floss and then you have to leave each tie with about an inch of floss remaining free.  This is a fine method, but I've always wanted to make "real" quilts that are actually quilted.

My mother bought the Handiquilter which we thought would be the answer to all of our quilting needs.  This was an early model of the Hanidquilter. They've come a long way.  But the version we had left me constantly saying THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAY!!  I quilted 2 large wedding quilts with the Handiquilter, and did  a lot of swearing, and I did a few baby quilts, but I finally gave in and told my mother to just sell it.  It was not for us.

My mother now sends her quilts out to be quilted.  The woman does a great job, but it really rachets up the price and it's just not something I will do.  For years, I heard about the "quilt as you go" method and thanks to the power of youtube, I learned just enough to get me into trouble!  But it lets me quilt on my regular machine, thanks to the quilting foot my mother gave me for Christmas.  The first thing I did on my machine was a baby quilt that I did not quilt as I went.  This made for a cumbersome afternoon.  And probably more swearing. And I learned very quickly that I have to get used to this machine quilting instead of the Handiquilter method.  It's exactly the opposite.  With the Handiquilter, you move the machine over the fabric.  With the regular sewing machine, you move the fabric around under the presser foot.

So, here is attempt number 2 at quilting on my machine.  AND quilting as I went.  I think it came out nicely.  My favorite part is this color!  I was like "ew, teal, yuck" but I had that material leftover, so I wanted to use it.  And I thought it might be nice with white.  Wow, I had no idea!!  If I had anything of a teal or aqua variety in my house, I'd keep it.  But I really don't, and I need to get these crafts out of my house, so I put it up on my etsy.  But here's your personal sneak preview.

PS: my second favorite part is the way the aqua thread shows up on the white.

Linking here:

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I'm Running Away With the Polka Band

A few weeks ago, I heard a polka band that had me cracking up.  How can anyone be angry when polka music is playing? It makes a person giddy and nearly insane.  It's just so fast!  I didn't include the picture of the band, but I found it today, so I thought I'd share.  The guy in the middle isn't wearing a bag on his head, but it sure does look like it. 

For 30 minutes, I tapped my foot and was highly entertained by this music.  I guess I had never sat down and actually listened to polka before.  Hysterical.  And slightly maniacal. 

Anypolka, the reason I feel ready to run off with this band is due to my new shirt.  I saw this from across the store and immediately knew this was the shirt for me.  I didn't realize, until today, just how ruffly it is.  Like it's 1970 and I should be running off to play some polka.

And the funny thing is that out of the bottom of my eyes (can you even say that?) I keep catching a glimpse of the ruffles because they stand out.  I do not have the giant bazoongas that this picture would lead you to believe I have.  It's some kind of optical illusion.  That's why the ruffles keep getting my attention.  I never distract myself with my extensive bosom, but today, I keep seeing this SHELF in front of me and it confuses me. 

I feel like I should be wearing a sign that says "objects appear much smaller in real life"

But I do love the pink.  The top picture is a better representation of the true pink, not this goldeny pink you see here.  And I like the polka dots.  There's something kind of flashy about it.  A flashy I can get away with. 

But not a flashy that will be tacky enough to get me into the polka band.  I guess I'll just have to stick with teaching for now.

Monday, March 28, 2011

It's Time For Some Letters

I'm participating in:

Dear French people,

Please don't think all Americans are like those on Married With Children and The Simpsons.  I nearly died when my French friend told me today that her students know what donuts are because of Homer Simpson, so they could figure out what Dunkin' Donuts is.  And that they loved Married With Children.  While it's true that I may find Americans to be quite slovenly with their Uggs and I wouldn't call myself any kind of fashion plate, PLEASE don't think we all sit around eating donuts and sticking our hands down our pants.  UGH.  What a terrible image you have of us!

I do like me some donuts, though,

Dear Bacon,

Why do you have to stink up the entire house?  I rarely cook you  because I'm not really a fan, but when I do, your scent lingers in everything for days at a time and I feel like I'm back in the olden days when people had food cooking 24/7 and everyone had that food smell.

You really stink,

Dear Greenhouse,

Isn't it time for you to be fully assembled?  Can't you just be finished?  There is surely no greater test of a relationship than building a greenhouse together, with directions that are often vague.  It's March.  I've been fantasizing about getting things growing ALL WINTER LONG.   Can't we just be done with you?????

Tired of you mocking me,

Friday, March 25, 2011

Feel Good Friday

Here it is again.  It's crazy how Fridays keep popping up like this!  thegirl is still working on her site and I'm hosting in her absence.  She's still around, if you go  look, because she has updated her site since she first went on break.  Now there's a countdown.   To what?  Who knows, but I think we can guess that it's the countdown to her return.

Not sure how to play?  Just go to your own blog, post a Feel Good Friday post and then come back and link to me!  Tell us what made you happy this week.  It can be one thing, 2 things, 5 things or whatever.  Grab the button and link back and you're off and running with your own feel good moments!  And we like to read what made everyone else happy.

1.  The funky, skinny jeans that I bought last week on a whim actually fit and were great to wear and I'd like to wear them every day.  Again, those are not my super long legs in the picture but I can dream, right?  I felt very Audrey Hepburn in them.

2.  I saw a funny sign in front of church today that made me laugh:  The jig is up- repent now.  I like churches with humor.

3.  This didn't happen this week, but let's pretend it did because it makes me laugh, no matter when I think about it and I thought about it one day this week.  I grow mint in my garden and I have learned that catnip is not the only mint that drives cats bananas.  Anything in the mint family will do.  We all know that it's like pot for cats and it makes the either dopey or crazy and clearly high.  I'm always amazed that they don't eat it all before I can pick any of it myself, but other than an occasional bender, Gwenstopher minds her business about it.  I think she intentionally forgets and then when I'm in there and she comes in, she's like WHOA, MINT!  I FORGOT!!!  WHOO HOOOOOOO.

So, it was the end of the fall and I had planned to harvest all of the mint and dry it and use it as catnip over the winter.  Coincidentally, we were doing a project at school involving making cat toys, so I told the kids I'd bring in some of the mint I was saving.  I went out with a big paper bag, the kind with handles, and put tons of stalks/leaves in the bag for drying and I put it on the kitchen table.

I went about my evening, putting away laundry, when I heard a crazy amount of noise from the kitchen.  I was certain that not only did a bookshelf fall off the wall, but an entire wall must have just caved in on itself because it was that loud. We have an old house, so this really isn't beyond the realm of possibilities.   Just as I was about to go investigate, this THING came tearing ass through my bedroom so fast, I didn't know what it was.  All I knew was that the THING was petrified and there was so.much.noise.

Sure that a raccoon, or a family of them, had somehow crashed through a whole wall in the kitchen and was now terrorizing my cat, I steeled myself for the trip to the kitchen to see the damage and try to figure out how to get the raccoons (s) out of my house and fix my cat.

As I walked into the living room, I saw it all.  And then I was laughing so hard, I further damaged Gwenstopher's fragile nerves.

It seems that "someone" became a little too curious about the  bag on the table.  As she climbed up, she must have truly thought her ship had arrived, for there, right in front of her, was a bag FULL of mint!!  She crept up to the bag, sniffed and was so intoxicated with the scent, she must have thought she could climb in for more.  At  this point, she either scared herself with the noise of the paper bag crushing under her weight (when you're under the influence, your senses get all messed up) or she heard me shut a drawer and thought she'd get in trouble, so she went to make her escape.  Except she somehow got caught in the two handles of the paper bag.

So when she jumped off the table, she was caught in the handles and the bag and mint came with her.  And this was too much, so she started to run.  Except this noisy bag, with all its deliciousness was now following her!  Everywhere she went.  In her altered state, she must have thought the biggest monster in the world was chasing her.  And she couldn't get rid of it.

As she came tearing through the house, she was sprinkling mint EVERYWHERE and the bag was crashing into walls and doors as she went, so it just got louder, scarier and surely, more surreal as she went.  What I thought was an animal chasing her was actually  HER with her new clothing- the paper bag that she was 'wearing' with the handles hanging on.

She finally managed to break free in the living room which meant the bag basically exploded and let her free but what was left of the mint also just dumped right there on the floor.

Then I started laughing so hard I couldn't breathe and she got even more upset.  And I as I tried to tell the story to my students the next day, we were all laughing so hard, tears were just pouring.  Poor Gwenstopher.

I am happy to report this did not ruin her taste for the mint and she continues to partake whenever she can.

4. A student who is driving me right around the bend is coming around.  She may not be the death of me, this child.  She actually asked if she can stay for help on Monday and gave me something I would call effort today.

5.  I went to Geek Girl Camp over the weekend to "sell my wares"and actually made some sales.  I wasn't expecting much, because you usually don't do much business at an expo, but I did OK!  Yeah!

Ok, that's my top 5.  Now, go write your feel good moments for the week and then come back here and link up so we can share your joy.  It's been kind of lonely around here lately.  I may not have a cute site like thegirl had before she went to revamp the site, but I still like to hear what makes people happy!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Please, Please, Please, Make Them Go Away

About a year ago, I posted this message about  UGGS and my opinion hasn't changed.  Please, can't we make them stop????  Can't they all go away?

Let me tell you why I hate Uggs so very much.  THEY STINK when girls wear them ALL YEAR LONG.  I teach middle school, which you might remember as the years you call the pinnacle of your fashion sense, and that means that I live and breathe Uggs from September until June.  And girls STINK!  About May, they start to get really ripe.  Even those that were new from Christmas.  And don't get me started on the fake Uggs, or Fuggs. They smell even worse.

photo courtesy of google images
This pair here is my least favorite type.  As I said to my students the other day "It looks like your sweater fell down and landed around your ankles"  They were incredulous as to my passion for my hatred of Uggs.  Girls who don't usually give me the time of day were suddenly fascinated by my abhorrence of what they consider a staple in their shoe diet.

 photo courtesy of the uggs website
Of  course, this is why people buy them.  If you run around big rocks in bikini bottoms and a sweater, you have clearly lost your mind.  So why not add boots to the mix?

Another reason I so hate them is that they get dirty.  The girls tried to assure me that they clean them all the time with special cleaner.  One tried to say her mother puts them in the washer.  Really? Lambskin/wool in the washer?

Which brings me to another point.  I am not a big PETA person, I do wear animal skins without even thinking.  But the amount of lambs that go to slaughter over these damned things.

The next thing is the protectors.  That's a chemical, ladies.  And the cleaners.  That's a chemical, ladies.

Finally, did I mention how I think they are the epitome of the slovenly dress of our society?  You cannot look put together wearing Uggs.  Not even this fashion plate of  a teacher we have who always looks put together.  She wears her Uggs, or Fuggs, and she looks silly.  No one can walk properly in them.  They induce much scuffing and dragging of the feet.

photo courtesy of google images 
This is my fantasy right here.  I'm going to line them all up on a woodpile while the girls are all at gym.  And then I'm going to set the effing thing right on fire.

Please, can't you all agree to stop wearing them and make the world a less smelly place?

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Is it the Mid 1980s?

I was leaving school on Friday and this truck caught my eye.  Can you read the license plate?  NKOTB5.  Now, I was never a fan of New Kids on the Block.  I didn't swoon when I heard them.  I didn't rush to get tickets when they came to town.  I didn't care.  But I did think Joey McIntyre was a fine piece to look at.  Extremely fine.
If I were some of my friends, even today in 2011, I would have marched right back into school to figure out who owned this truck.  Or I would have sat in the parking lot until the driver appeared.  But, I am not my friends and I had things to do.  But the curiosity is overwhelming.

My theory is that it was Mr. Joey McIntyre himself.  Why?  Because he is the youngest member of NKOTB, which would make him #5, thus NKOTB5.  I know, you'd expect someone that successful wouldn't drive your average Joe's green pickup with stickers on the back window.  But that's all part of the plan.  He's trying to blend in. 

So now I have to figure out which kid is the kid of Joey McIntyre.  So, do I just randomly ask?  Do I post this picture on my Smartboard at the beginning of each class and look to see what happens?  Wait until someone says "hey, how come my dad's truck is on your board?"  Do I put in a morning announcement:  if anyone has a father with the initials J.M. please stop by Sparkling's room before the end of homeroom today?  How will I find out?  Because if Joey McIntyre was at my school and drives a truck, I need to see him.

And if it's not one of the real NKOTB?  What the hell is wrong with you?  It's been like 25 years.  Yes, they had a reunion tour.  But it's not cool to have this on your license plate in 2011!!  And it's NKOTB5, so does that mean that 4 other whackjobs have this on their license plates too?

I tried googling it but didn't get anywhere.  Not that I expected it to show up , but I thought maybe.  I know some cops, and I suppose I could ask them to check it out, but that's probably illegal.

And what will I do when I find out it IS Joey McINtyre?  WHAT WILL I DO???  Will I stalk him?  Will I feel the need to run through his neighborhood, EVERYDAY?  Will I have to make a home visit to talk about his kid?

Sunday, March 20, 2011

I Think It's Time For Some Mail

 Dear Kotex,

I have been a fan of your products for a number of years, but only this week did I discover the true power of your panty liners.  Now, lest you(and my readers) get all worked up and grossed out over this picture and the fact that it looks like I just casually tossed on one the floor, let me explain.  Do you see that slight mark on the rug above it, just to the left?

It appears that someone in this house brought in hydraulic oil either on their shoes or on something they carried.  This left spots all over the carpet, which at first glance just looked like impressions from something on the rug.  K-ster is the one who said it looked like stains.  All I have to hear is stain and I go berserk.  So, I got down and smelled the floor. OH MY EFFING GOD WHAT IS THAT????  Then k-ster got on the floor and sniffed and confirmed that it smelled like hydraulic oil.  Oh if only I had thought it was funny enough at the time to take a picture.  We have plenty outside, but the mystery that remains, is HOW DID IT GET HERE?  And in so many places!!!

So, nothing says a fun Friday night better than trying to imagine the ways we can get oil out of a carpet.  I googled "hydraulic oil out of carpet" and was immediately met with suggestions.  Without the internet, what on earth did our mothers and grandmothers do when disasters like this happened?  This first one right here was the miracle I needed.  It's nice to know I am not alone in this in-home disaster.  If you read carefully, here is step 3:
Use a clean feminine hygeine pad to gently blot the stained area. Continue blotting the area until you can no longer see residue being lifted from the pad.

Say what????  It all started to click.  We have "pigs" which are basically big pads, that go into the drain pits for the car wash to collect any oil run off from people's cars.  Pads are supposed to be absorbent, right?  These must all be made of the same stuff.   This  made a lot of sense, but I just couldn't waste a regular size one.  So I got the panty liners and ran around blotting up the alcohol that I was instructed to pour on the carpet.  AND IT WORKED.  I could actually see the oil on the pads as I blotted.  

The next step was to use dish detergent, but I have recently learned that shampoo is a magical thing and I used that instead.  I once read on a blog that shampoo got olive oil out of a shirt and it dawned on me that if it gets the grease out of your hair, of course it will get the grease out of your clothes.  And your carpet, in this case.

Clearly,when  the next oil disaster strikes, I will be sure to call my congressman and explain the value and super absorbency of your product.  Thanks again~!!

Thoroughly blotted and oil free,

Dear Ann Taylor Loft,

Oh Annie, you've done it again!  You might remember my post a while back about the delight I felt when I found some pants that fit just the way I wanted them to.  I did have to hem them, but I was in love.  I've worn them a lot this winter, so I've been looking for some others.  You name your pants so we know which style to look for.  Mine is Julie.  Julie and I are now best buds.  I search online for the best deals on Julie.  I found 2 pair online recently for 30% off, which I got because I'm a teacher.  That's pretty cool.  I used to be a huge fan of Ann Taylor Loft and bought a lot of clothes from you, but over the years, I've kind of stayed away. 

I ordered this black pair which I like.  No, those aren't my super long legs, so I will have to hem them.  They are a strange material, but I think I'll be ok with them.  I also ordered some khakis, but they are the color khaki that I call "child molester beige" so they went right back to the store for a refund.  I love that you allow online orders to be returned at the store.  It truly is a plus when a store does this.  While I was there, there was some sort of mishap with an exploding light bulb and the fire department had to come and make sure there wasn't a fire up in the ceiling.  I found some jeans I liked and really wanted to try on, but I worried I'd have them half on and the fire alarm would go off.

I gave them a try and didn't have to leave with fire bells ringing.  Those aren't my super skinny long legs either.  But this is where I've decided to become a faithful fan of Ann Taylor Loft once again.  These jeans are not Julie.  They are Curvy, Straight, Skinny jeans, which I usually think are ridiculous on people.  But I loved the color.  They are a deep indigo color and my favorite aspect is that they are not ripped, shredded nor do they have that "erased" look on the butt and thighs.  But my number one reason I think I am in love with you?  They are size 0.  Now, I am not one to talk about what size I wear, and I usually don't even both with 1s or 0s because I left those behind long ago.  2s and 4s are my things these days.  So I brought in a 4 and they seemed kind of loose, so I sent the girl to get me  a 2.  You were out of 2s so she brought a 0 and I have a good laugh.  Until I put them on.  OMG, they so fit.  And I am so shocked.

If I didn't know better, I might think they were jeggings.  BUt they are indeed actual jeans, they just have some stretch to them.  And they are the best color.  And I think I am going to try wearing them tomorrow, tucked into my boots.  This is a look I have been sneering at all winter long when I see women wearing it.  But I'm going to give it a whirl.  Because  tomorrow, I will wear a 0.

Thanks ever so much Ann,

Dear Half and Half,
For the love of Christ, where have you been all my life?  And just what nectar of the gods are you??? Half milk and half what- bliss????   I had to buy some of you for some potato soup that I made last week.  Which I really enjoyed. And I hate to throw things away, so I thought I'd put you in some chai.  Delightful.  Today, I put you in some hot chocolate that I made from scratch.  So THIS is what it's meant to taste like.

I will not be buying you again, my friend, as I would never fit into a 0 again (see above) if I were to continue to drink things with you in them.  But what a difference you make!  I can only imagine what full cream would do.

Feeling the arteries clog as I drink,

Dear Corned Beef,

Ok, I'm not afraid to ask.  Just what the hell ARE you?  You know I do not eat beef, have not since I was 16 because beef bothers my stomach.  However, I do eat corned beef on occasion and nothing seems to happen.  This year, I thought I'd be all Irish, since I am a lot Irish, and actually make Corned Beef and cabbage.  In my fantabulous new crock pot.  K-ster wasn't thrilled, not being Irish, and not being thrilled with the idea of cabbage.  I agree, it smells, but I was willing.

I was determined, so off I went to the grocery to buy some Corned Beef.  And when I got there, I had no idea what to do.  What is this gray or red option?  How would I know what size?  Why are you so expensive?  Are you pre cooked?  What is this "corning" process you go through? Are you ham?  Pork?  Beef?  Soy?  It boggles my mind that I have no idea what the answer is to these questions.  I make a very conscious habit of knowing just what I'm eating and yet, I've never questioned what you are.

So, I gave up.  I stood in the meat department and look at the choices, and couldn't figure out what to do, so I left with no Corned Beef.  We had potato soup one day during the week.  It had lots of parsley and was supposed to be green.  But I cut back on the parsley because it's overwhelming, so it was white soup with flecks of green.  And no one invited me for Corned Beef and Cabbage.  So I didn't celebrate Irish day in any way except to wear lots of green.

Not okay with not knowing what you are,

Dear Gwenstopher,

At 14, you are suddenly very playful!  I know it's spring, and your favorite grass is all dead and crunchy and is very fun to roll around and play on.  I was enjoying the sun for a few minutes today, too.  I'm not really sure why you think the extension cord is a good thing to play with in the grass.  I had much more fun when you started playing with the stick I was running through the grass.  Stay away from that cord!!!

 Here you are, surveying all that you have been given, like a lion on the savannah.  It's fun to soak in the sun right here, I totally agree!

Keep on playing,

Friday, March 18, 2011

Fa Fa Fa Feel Good Friday!!

Here we go again!  It's Feel Good Friday and I'm still your hostess with the mostess!

Erika's on a sabbatacle right now, and I apparently don't know how to spell that word.  But it means she's away from her desk right now, so I'll take her links for Feel Good Friday for now.

Not sure how to play?  Just go to your own blog, post a Feel Good Friday post and then come back and link to me!  Tell us what made you happy this week.  It can be one thing, 4 things, 5 things or whatever.  Grab the button and link back and you're off and running with your own feel good moments!

1.  When I rode Tucker on Sunday, he was super.  Like super duper.  Did things neither of us have ever done before.  We really connected.  I won't tell you what the rest of the week's lessons were like because they didn't make me feel great.  Let's just say it's amazing how even a horse can tune me out: "I don't hear you.  I can't feel you.  You can't make me.  Kick me all you want, I'm not doing it!"

2. Out of the blue today, 2 hostesses that cancelled their lia sophia shows contacted me to reschedule.  That NEVER happens.  And they are coming right up so I might actually have a good April.

3.  I found a book by Sarah Gruen called Ape House.  She wrote Water For Elephants which is about to come out in theaters.  I loved Water for Elephants, though I can't remember what it was about, other than a circus, so I thought I'd give Ape House  a try.  It's a book on tape. Or Ipod, actually.  Sometimes, I am a bad listener, so books on ipod aren't good for me.  This book is AMAZING.  I am so enthralled, it's all I want to do.   There is just enough suspense and mystery, but not like a who-done-it mystery.   Instead of reading when I go to bed, I've been listening to this every night.  Highly recommended.

4.  K-ster made supper on Monday with no protests.  It was so nice to come home and have supper on the table.  Made.  And I didn't have to think about what I was going to make.

5.  I am the race director for a road race for the Cultural Center every year, and I'm always trying to figure out how to get new sponsors and do something cool.  One year, we had Baskin Robbins here, giving out samples, and that was a big hit.  I tried them but they don't do that anymore.  Most big companies either want 1000s of people at the event (we are lucky to have 300) or they only give to certain charities.

I am a big fan of Chobani yogurt and I was poking around their site and they had a donations page.  Not thinking I would even qualify for such a thing, I asked for a donation of yogurt to our race.  I figured they wanted 5,000 people to be guaranteed.  The girl called me on Tuesday and happily told me she will ship 25 cases of yogurt for our event.  WHAT???  That's 300 cups of yogurt.  Regular, 6 ounce cups.  Not little samples, the whole deal.  ARE YOU KIDDING?  I didn't even have to sign my life away or anything.  Now, I know you want to come get free yogurt for running, but then I'd have to tell you where I live, wouldn't I?  And then you'd stalk me and that wouldn't be so much fun.  Maybe if you ask me, I will tell you where this 3.1 mile, flat, beautiful race is in June.

Oh, and do you know how to store 300 cups of yogurt?  Because that ain't all gonna fit in my fridge!!

6.  I'm doing a 6th one today to make you laugh.  I dreamed that Charlie Sheen and Rob Lowe both wanted me.  I don't even like either one of them!  And they were both trying really hard to get my attention and were trying to outdo each other.  Sort of.  It all took place at my grandmother's house and I had far better things to do than listen to their nonsense.  BUt Charlie and I did have a funny moment, in pure silence, when he gestured to me "you're talking to that guy?" and I gestured back "I never took up your offer, what makes you think I'd take up his?" and he gestured back "oh, you're right, ok".  Total silent gestures.  Hysterical.  I woke up laughing, it was so ridiculous. This is why Spielberg has nothing on me when it comes to scripts.  I've got them all right in my noggin!

I have never found either of those boys even remotely attractive.  Not even back when they were all bad ass at 25 and in all those movies. 

Ok, that's all I've got.  Now, get thee to thy blog and type thy Feel Good Friday post.  Then get thy butt back here and link thy post to my post so we can all have a feel good weekend!!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Queridos Amigos

Dear Universe,

WHAT THE EFF???  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?  You lead me to the decision in October that I should splurge on a greenhouse.  We all know what a saga this has been.  And yet, how many times have we gone outside with the intention of working on it only for you  to continue to be mean?

Like yesterday, did it have to be so windy?  Tornado Alley has nothing on the winds we experience yesterday.  So, after an awesome early morning ride in the woods, I came home to k-ster telling me he could finish what we he doing on the greenhouse, but no top or sides could go on.  Really?

Today promised to be beautiful.  Not a breath of air.  Just as we got outside to start the top, the wind picked up.  But it was manageable.  Until the clouds came and it rained.  REALLY????  We truly were going to get this baby finished today.

We managed to get the top on and secure.  Oh, but the company shorted us one piece of wiggle wire, so we had to fashion something until I get my voice on them tomorrow. And then the rain came.  And we ran to put everything back.  And now it's sunny.  REALLY???????


Dear Gwenstopher,

I am so sorry for locking you upstairs for like 14 hours the other day.  I heard you sneak in but I thought you snuck back out and I mentioned to k-ster that I thought you might be up there, but then I forgot to go back and look.  You probably thought you were living the high life for a while.  Until you got hungry and thirsty and realized you were stuck.

Maybe you haven't heard this little number:  curiosity killed the cat.  I know, you've let your curiosity run wild for 14 years and it hasn't gotten you yet.  Perhaps you should stop sneaking around and stop tempting fate.

Dreading finding the spot you might have used as your toilet,

Dear Adidas,


I am very picky about sports bras.  Not all of us can wear t-backs and yet this seems to be all anyone can make.  Everywhere I go, this is all I find, unless I'm looking for something for yoga, where you just need a little something.  I don't need a lot, but I need something more than a little something.  The t-backs really bother my shoulders which bothers my neck which bothers those around me when I'm mean because my neck and head hurt.

This little number here has been a favorite style of mine, but no one seems to make these anymore.  I shudder to think how much sweat I've poured into this little thing.  But I can't get rid of it until I find something that works.

Until last night, when I found this little gem at Marshall's.  I haven't actually worn, it but I tried it on and it felt so much better than the t-backs!  And it's pink, so you get a win win all around. 

Looking forward to no cricks in neck,

Dear Cobbler,

I love the work you've done for me.  I love that you are truly one of a kind around here.  I love that you are just down the road from me in your quaint little cobbler's shop.
But I couldn't help but almost wet myself laughing the other night when we drove by at 8:45pm and there was some kind of ROCKING affair going on there.  Was it a Cobbler's Convention?  Did the Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe come with all of her children, all driving their own cars?  Was it a hoedown?  At 8:45pm, on a Wednesday, no less, I do not expect to come down the road to see your little tiny parking lot PACKED with cars, all of the lights in your place ablaze.  I am dying of curiosity.  What does a cobbler do with this many people, in the late evening, in the middle of the week?

Still chuckling,

Dear Daylight,

How thrilled I am that I can still see you until about 7pm now.  But, do you have to steal back that one hour?  Can't you do it on Friday night so we have all weekend to recover?  I love the later light, but this stealing of my time isn't too ok with me.  Think about how you can improve on this for the future.


Friday, March 11, 2011

Feel Good Friday

So, here we are again. Thegirl is still out doing something good, so I'm in charge.

Not sure what this Feel good Friday hoopla is all about? This is a marvelous thing created by thegirl and I've loved it since the first day I linked up. On Friday, you think back over your week and find a great thing that made you feel good, or you give us a list of things that made you feel good. I like to do my top 5 things. Some people just list them, but I have to give you the whole story behind why it was so feel good. It's what I do.

If you've never done Feel Good Friday before, hop on in! Go write a post on your own site, link it back to this one at the bottom and you'll get some new visitors and we'll get to see what made you happy.

1. This one was so easy and early in the week!  On Saturday, k-ster was out of town, so I volunteered at the Cultural Center for a concert.  It was some ethnic mix of music.  A lot of Irish and Jewish music which sounded surprisingly similar.  It was ok.  But then the polka music came out and I almost wet my pants with glee.  WHY is polka music so FUNNY?????  I guess I have never sat down and listened to polka.  This was super fast paced music and the guys were in hysterical costumes.  Because what else can you wear in a polka band?  For 30 minutes I was grinning and just so entertained.  I have a whole new respect for polka music.

2.  When I rode Tucker on Monday, we saw deer in the woods.  This fascinates me every time because it's rare for me to see them.  And I never get to see their whole bodies, just their big tails and they go bouncing off.  He doesn't like them so much.

3.  Speaking of riding, when I rode on Thursday, we tried something new for me and for him and it wasn't too bad.  We cantered from a walk which has been a big goal of mine ever since I found out you can do that.  He's not been trained to do that, so we had a lesson in learning yesterday and I think it was really good for both of us.

4.  One of my crocheting students whipped out a great scarf over the week.  So far, none of my students have actually completed something under my supervision, but she did.  It was a quick one and something I think I might use for future classes because it's manageable.  And it's funky, so if you make a mistake, it's not too noticeable.

5.  K-ster's grandfather turned 88 this week, so a bunch of us had Chinese food with him.  K-ster's family is enormous and mine is not, so this is something that has always fascinated me.  And I've been around long enough that they expect me to be there and take part.  Last night, there were 12 of us there and it was fun.  There were some good stories(a wild tale of catching horses while his uncle was in his underwear), some mediocre Chinese food and the chance for k-ster to be with his grandparents.  It's easy to take them for granted when you see them often, but he has no idea how lucky he is to still have grandparents at our age.  And that they are still kicking.  For the most part.  They have aged a lot in the last few years, but they aren't senile yet.  And they always remember me, so that's a nice thing!

Now, go forth and write a post and then come back and link up here.  We're nosy and we like good company!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I Dream About My Clothesline, Don't You?

Some people dream about world issues.  Some lose sleep as they dream all night about finances.  Some have visions while they sleep and can predict events.

I dream about my clothesline.

I had a fantastic dream last night involving it and I will spare you the finite details.  However, the funny part was that people had arrived with trailers and though it's March, they were hell bent on seeing the ocean.  And they hung out all their clothes, like everything they owned must have been brought from home, so they could get that salt air into their clothes.  And I drove around the corner and was like HEY, WHERE'S MY CLOTHESLINE?

They moved it for me, but now it was going to be really close to the summer residents that live there all summer and I didn't think that was a good idea.  Plus, they put it too low.  And in the bushes.  And I was pretty sad. 

Somewhere along the way,  I am sure I've mentioned my thrill at hanging clothes on the line to dry.  Oh yeah, here's one time.  And I've probably mentioned it other times.  It's a thrill I cannot fully convey to you in words.  But I love it on so many levels.  And I've been doing it since high school.

There is a smell that my clothes pick up outside that I cannot describe and all I have to do is smell it and I tune out the entire world and just hang there, so content.  When I was in college, I'd always bring clothes that had just been hanging out and until I wore them, they kept that smell.  

And until recently, we had a more than ideal location for the clothes to dry.  They got so much sun that even in winter, they dried well if I got them out early enough in the morning and it was a bright, sunny day.

And then I became obsessed with the idea of a greenhouse.  And I knew that the ideal place for that greenhouse is, you got it, right where the clothesline has been.  Because it gets so effing much sun.  I think I will be able to grow things when the temps get to subzero because there is THAT MUCH SUN.

But it didn't really occur to me, when we took down the clothesline to put up the greenhouse, that I no longer had a clothesline.  But I was ok with that.  For a while.  And then I moved it to the camping area of the campground for the winter.  Because no one is there, so it doesn't matter.  But spring is coming and they will be back soon and I realize I haven't really established my new area for the clothesline.

This is clearly foremost on my mind. 

So, now that we are on our way to actually finishing the greenhouse, like maybe even this weekend, dare I think it, we really do have to find a new locale for the clothesline, lest I lose any more sleep over this.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Jonathan's Ark

I know,  it's supposed to be Noah's.  9 year in a Christian school did teach me something.  But here is what I have to say on the matter.

One summer during college, probably the summer I graduated, some friends of mine were out somewhere.  Probably a bar where they played the Macarena a few too many thousand times.  It was that summer, at least, maybe not that night.  The Macarena and Killing Me Softly were the permanent soundtrack in my head that summer.

We met some guys who might have followed us to another bar.  The details are kind of fuzzy, not because I was drinking, but because it was all weird.  We didn't usually go out and do this.  We were not foxy ladies out for a night of fun.  I don't know what we were doing.  Eventually, we talked to them and found out they were renting a house for the week nearby.

One of the girls I was with really wanted the night to continue, and was going to go with them whether we did or not, so we all followed them home.  Where we had kielbasa.  I don't know.  I can't remember it all or why grilling kielbasa at midnight was necessary.

But what I can remember is that they were a little older.  And one or two of them had graduated with a degree in film, so they said.  And one had written a screen play called Jonathan's Ark.  And he told us what it was all about.  And we thought it would really become a film because it sounded good enough to be a film.

But here I sit, this many years later, and nothing called Jonathan's Ark has ever appeared on screen.  I remember googling it a few times, but nothing.  I haven't done it recently, so maybe it's out there.

Why am I telling you this?   Kelly over at the breakroom was telling us about a dream that the laundress had about her.  I commented that my dreams are full of so many special effects that Spielberg should call me when he runs out of ideas.  Spielberg-movies-movies--script-script-Jonathan's Ark.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Dear Dear, It's Sunday Again

Dear Former Fabulous Horsewoman,

I'm not sure why you had to tell me about 54 times how you were such a great rider as a kid.  I don't really care.  And I don't care that you showed.  And you were quite good. 

I'm happy for you that as an adult, you are going back to riding.  And how fortunate that your friend's daughter is outgrowing her clothes, so you can have her riding gear. 

But, it's jodPERS, you fool, not jodFURS.  If I have to hear you tell me that you have all the jodFURS you need, I think I might tie a pair around your neck, very tightly.  If you were such a great rider for all of those years, I'm pretty sure you'd know how to pronounce it!

Get  a clue,

Dear Makers of Finesse Shampoo,

Thank you for keeping this stuff around.  I remember using it for years and loved the smell.  And the commercials were great- sometimes you need a little finesse, sometimes you need a lot!  It seemed like it had disappeared for a while.

Recently I found it again.  It still smells good but my super sensitive nose also thinks I smell evil chemicals in there, so I use it sparingly.  And sometimes you do provide a little finesse and other times, a lot.

Nice to see you, old friend,

Dear Discovery/TLC or Whatever Company,

A few months ago, I accidentally found a show called Homemade Millionaire.  It was hosted by Kelly Ripa at like 10pm on a Friday night, probably on TLC.  I loved the idea.  3 women come and show some unique thing they've created that they think will be Home Shopping NEtowrk or QVC worthy.  The show is all about how they develop their skills and one gets chosen to actually sell her product on QVC or HSN.  I saw 2 episodes and really liked it.

When I go online, you claim it's out there.  But when I go to the show listings, there isn't any evidence that it's really on tv.  I like the show a lot and would like you to keep it on.  But not at 10pm on Friday.


Dear Fingers,

Do you have to be so sensitive?   Does everything little thing have to cause such pain?  Do we have the disease where the tips of the fingers continue to get more and more sensitive so that they are constantly red and cold and hurt at the slightest touch?  We better not.

Because I can't tolerate that.

I realize that I have pinched my fingers in the grocery carts more than once so I should know better by now. But do you realize how hard I was trying NOT to do that this morning?  Sometimes the carts get jammed and I can't always remember where I should put my hand when I try to drag them apart, and the the fingers get run over.  But do you have to be so dramatic and throb throughout most of the trip to the store?  And make me want to just sit on the floor and cry?   And still remain sensitive now?

Get over it!,

Dear Mother Nature,

You are so rude.  Why do you give us days like this, in March, when you know you're just going to bring back the frigidity of winter?  Why?  You lure us all outside, make us cast off our winter coats, let us think maybe tomorrow will be nice too and we can wear shorts.

But you know tomorrow will be miserable.  You know that you're just tricking everyone.  Now people be leaving the house tomorrow morning, severely underdressed, and then everyone will curse you for making them cold.

Just leave the weather consistently warming and throw the damned yo-yo away.  There's no need for this.

Warm but feeling colder,

Dear Weekends,

Could you be a little longer?  Or at least slow down?  How is it already Sunday night and I don't remember what I've done this weekend?

Slow down, what's the hurry?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Feel Good Friday

Here we are again, it's Friday, and you must have some feel good moments to share.  I've found a few.

Not sure what Feel Good Friday is all about?  Thegirl over at created this marvelous, weekly event so everyone could link up and share happiness.  You can pick one thing that was amazing, or list 5 like many of us do.  I find it puts the week into such perspective for me and if I've gotten to Wednesday and don't love it, I think about how I better find some stuff for Feel Good Friday before it's too late!!

Thegirl is absent for a few weeks, so she's letting me host.  You don't have to be a regular around here to link up.  We love newbies, especially if you're a good writer and can occasionally make us laugh with the normalness of your life!

So, after you've read through, check out the other people who linked at the bottom and then go write your own post and link back here.  Be sure to grab the button.  We love to read each other's Feel Good moments.  We're nosy like that.

So, here goes.

1.  We had a visit from some wild turkeys for 3 days, which for us, is not normal.  Every time I say/think that we had 12 turkeys on our lawn, I swear I don't even believe myself.  It sounds too weird.  Like telling someone 12 hippos came by for a snack.  We didn't see them today (the turkeys, not the hippos), so I guess they moved on to browner lawns.

2.  We had an entertaining faculty meeting this week.  Far more entertaining than the usual because we did some Project Adventure stuff.  Some of it was very silly like rock, paper, scissors, but then we played an awesome game called Steal the Spot.  Why was it awesome?  Because I stole my principal's spot twice!  And it's an evaluation year and I don't even care!!  This is the most telling game I've ever seen and I think all administrators should have to play this game during their interviews so we can see if they are a good match for us.  One of our administrators demonstrated why he should not be in charge of us as he stood in the middle of the circle having no clue what was going on around him.  Yep, par for the course.

3.  All of my classes were totally into what we were doing this week.  It was weird.  They are all learning new vocab which means a lot of work for me, but something about what we did in each class made them really excited.  Especially 8th grade who is doing body parts and got to play Simon Dit (Simon Says).  And even 6th grade who is doing numbers but seems to think they are pretty cool.  I just make up random phone numbers and then have to see if they understand what I say.  Far more exciting that me just saying a number and asking what it is because it has some context as a phone number, even if it's not real.  And 7th grade is learning about hobbies and sports so they can finally talk about what they really do instead of which class they like the best and what color pencil they have!

4.  I had 2 riding lessons this week where Tucker was being a brat and I won.  This is new for me.  He pulled some shenanigans and I didn't let him continue.  And we cantered like we were meant to do this, not like I accidentally figured it out once only to lose it on the next one.  Progress, people, progress.

5.  A trainer at the gym told me I am strong.  I know I am strong, and members often tell me I am strong (because they think they are not, but they really are) but to have another employee tell me that was surprising.  And considering right now, I am not feeling like I'm at my strongest, that was nice.

6.  Oh, I'm doing 6 this week.  I had Scottish Breakfast Tea at a tea room a few weeks ago and really liked it.  Then I realized you see Irish Breakfast tea and English, but I've never found Scottish.  Until I accidentally found it (there I go with the accidental purchases again) the other day.  And I like it.  But I'm pretty sure it's nothing like what I tasted when I enjoyed it at the tea room.  This is a tad, umm, stronger and thicker.  Like burn the hair off your chest thicker.  Didn't know I had to be Braveheart to enjoy a cup!  But I was happy to find it!

Now go write and link up!  Cuz I said so!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

It's Turkey Time!!

Much to the chagrin of pbjdreamer, I have more turkey photos.  Unlike her, I am not afraid of birds at all.  I am not the biggest fan of caged birds, I would never own one,  but I like birds all right.  And I get annoyed when they wake me up with the cacophony in the early spring mornings, but I do love to hear them at any other time of the day.

When I first saw the gang of turkeys on Monday I was shocked.  Yesterday morning, I opened my curtains and there they were, strolling around my lawn, not phased by anything.  Today, I opened the curtains but they weren't there.  So sad..  It's bizarre how they appear and disappear.

So, I went out front to see if there were crows dancing on the chimney cap, I kid you not, they do this and it sounds like such a racket in the fireplace, and opened the door to this.  So I went out.  I was not afraid.  They are almost as tall as me and they came toward me but with looks of curiosity, not like they were out for blood.  So I took their pictures.  I thought the tom on the bottom was going to get all puffed for me but he didn't.

The thing I want to know is where do they come from and where do they go?  They literally just appeared, all 12 of them (we thought there were 11, but today there were 12).  How do 12 turkeys just materialize?  Then, they stroll across the street.  K-ster says they stop by here for coffee and the go over to m-ster's for breakfast.

That's totally the attitude they have.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Them Thar Turkeys

This was the site I woke up to this morning!  11 turkeys have descended upon us!  We first saw them yesterday afternoon and then as soon as I opened the curtain this morning, there they were!  They are such a strange site.  This morning they were just hanging around, some were laying down, some were all puffed up.  They are really huge!  We see them sometimes at school because we have a lot of woods, but what I've seen have been kind of scrawny.  Not these birds!  This is them running across the street after a loud truck sped by.  Watching them go through the fence was hysterical.