Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Throwing in the Towel

Ok, I've had it.  I'm sick of all these Biggest Loser things at gyms and all of the women losing this percentage and that percentage of their body mass.  Blah, Blah, Blah.

This new year, I'm going to start a new trend.  It's going to be called the Fatest Winner.  Let's all see if we can GAIN 20% of our body mass!  Shouldn't be hard, right?

I bet I'll get a lot of followers.

We'll be HUGE.  Ha ha, pun intended.

What do you think?  Are you on board?  Trade in the running shoes for fat pants?  Healthy snacks for fried oreos?  Can you resist this?

Sunday, November 27, 2011

What I Did On Thanksgiving

And I didn't fall off this time because I knew I was jumping.

Makes a big difference when she says "jump over that jump" instead of "trot over that jump"!

That swishing noise must be someone sweeping right behind k-ster.

And that's Myla the wonder dog slinking around.  She was so afraid of k-ster that she sat in the ring, trembling and at one point, you might r-ster actually dragging her away from the jump.   That's not an aid for jumping or anything!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Knit One, Purl Two

For this Feel Good Friday, I'll show you some of my accomplishments that I feel pretty darned glad about finishing!

I've been a little busy with the pony hats and trying to dismantle and reassemble k-ster's winter coat (more on that later) among other tricks and treats.  This is a neat corkscrew scarf that is available on my etsy.  It's the craziest thing to knit.  You start with like 100 stitches and when you're done, you have 720 on circular needles. I can't even explain why it works, but it's neat.

I like to think it's ironic that I'm modeling a scarf in a tank top.

I've made a couple of sweaters before, but they always look homemade.  And this time, I was determined to use a lighter yarn.  One that IS NOT acrylic.

That meant I had to go to a real yarn store and speak to real women about my real plan and cringe as they looked at me like I had no real business being there.

I found the pattern online and bought some washable wool.  I get very itchy in all wool, but I thought this might be OK.  It's very soft.  So far.

And you buy it like this, which means you're serious about your work, right?  No tube of Red Heart Yarn here!

After much confusion about assembling it, by the grace of God, it turned out looking like a real sweater!

I should fire my photographer, cutting off my face, like that!

The now common in my posts midriff shot.  This was a mistake as I was setting the self timer, but it lets you see the detail better, right?  RIGHT?

It still looks more homemade than I would like, but it's not bad.  And my on the fly alterations worked just like I wanted.  This sweater is VERY stretchy and that's a VERY good thing.

I went on youtube when I realized I had no idea how to sew raglan seams.  The idea I got was so brilliant, I sewed all of my seams that way and removed the bulk.  What did we do before youtube?  Oh yeah, we started projects and threw them away when we couldn't figure them out.

I'm debating making another one but a little larger. I would like it to be a little looser.  I'm not a tight sweater kind of person. I'm not a tight anything kind of person.  My pants would say otherwise, but I do like this to flow a little more.

I didn't have to pay full price for the yarn because I bought a gift certificate super cheap at an auction.  Now I have to think about what I want to do if I make another one.

K-ster has a Tommy Hilfiger coat that has nothing wrong with it, but the teeth on the zipper came out.  I went to the cobbler but he said he couldn't do it and suggested I go to a seamstress.


I went to Joann fabrics and bought a parka zipper for like $4 with a coupon (maybe less after the coupon).  The old one was a bitch to remove.  It was sewn in a couple of different ways to make it look really pretty and neat and tidy.

I think I did a pretty decent job replacing it!  I didn't fold it and sew it from a million different angles like Tommy did, but it's wearable and no one will know the difference.

I even managed this complicated little foldover doohickey.
Linking here:

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Give Thanks For Meeting Me

After you make and try this recipe, you will be so madly in love with me, you'll become my newest stalker.  I swear.

Last year, we went to my sister a-ster's for Thanksgiving.  It was just the 4 of us, with baby l-ster on the way, and my sister made the whole meal, not allowing much help from me.

She did a lot of the same recipes that we grew up with but with a few additions.  I have stolen this one and then added my own twist and when we become famous on the food network, I declare this will be our signature recipe.

First, the practically no-cal version:

12oz cranberries
1 bunch cilantro
1 bunch green onions chopped to 3in lengths
1 jalapeƱo minced
Juice of two lines
3/4 cup sugar
Pinch salt

Put everything in food processor until desired consistency. 

Then you dip whatever you want into it.  By the time she made this, I was so hungry I could have dipped my toe into and eaten my entire foot off.  I think we dipped tortilla chips and I'm pretty sure I dipped celery into it.  I also think I might have just dipped my fork into it and eaten like it was the main course, when she wasn't looking.

Since I had a few trillion cranberries left from earlier this fall, I asked her for the recipe so I could use it this "salsa" for Thanksgiving.
Here it is, all ready for dipping.

And then I thought, hey let's really ramp up the calories and the tangy flavor with some cream cheese and stuff celery with it!

 I have no idea what quantities of the cranberry "salsa" I used or the cream cheese, but just add enough until it looks like this.
You may be thinking this is the most bizarre combination of flavors, but I promise you, your mouth will be working on enjoying these flavors for the rest of this year. 

I stuffed the celery and then had some left, so i just dipped some celery pieces into it.  I don't think there is anything you can't dip into this. 

And the salsa is great on the turkey meat itself.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Feed My Addiction

I have received one comment in the past week.  ONE.  I don't usually get hundreds, but I do usually get at least one per day.

Is something broken?  Are you trying to leave me comments and it won't work?

I'm getting traffic.  I can see my stats.  I know you're there.

Why aren't you saying anything?

One of the most fun parts of blogging is the comments!!  I've been out there, commenting my brains out, even though I'm busy with the holidays.

I'm ok with just a HA or funny!  or I KNOW!  for a comment.

So comment, dammit!


Monday, November 21, 2011

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Mine grows nicely in November, thank you very much.

This is the big experiment winter, now that the greenhouse finished.  Remember, I live in New England, so I'm supposed to be done with the gardening.  I have always been able to keep broccoli and Swiss chard going right until Christmas, so this is nothing new.

Planting new seedlings of both in the greenhouse IS new.

I am not heating the greenhouse.  It's not very tight and it would be silly to waste the money.  I'm not selling my produce or anything.  I have everything closed up and lots of black fabric.  It gets really warm during the day, sometimes too warm, but once the sun goes down, it's as cold inside as it is outside.

 It's hard to believe that we've had some frost and cold nights and these things are just blooming their brains out.  I took all of the rest of my outdoor flowers into school because it makes the front foyer look nice but I wanted to keep a few in the greenhouse and see what happens.

 Poor tomatoes.  They're trying to turn red but they aren't quite getting there.
 All summer, k-ster tried to get lavender to grow.  It was a real struggle.  and then suddenly, in September, things took off and they are now flowering.  In November!  They definitely didn't get the message.
 New broccoli.  I think they will be fine in the greenhouse and I predict actual broccoli florets in January!
 Very tiny Swiss chard seedlings.  I have them in this old wheelbarrow.  I planted some potatoes in the top part and the Swiss chard is here on the flatter part.  My theory is the black plastic of the wheelbarrow will make everyone happy.
 This hibiscus has had a very hard life.  I won it in an auction a long time ago and everything was fine until the summer I went to Belgium.  I went for a month and k-ster was in charge of the garden.  I left everything so that all he would have to do is water it. I put a lot of mulch down and figured whatever weeds would grow would be manageable once I got home in August.

He went to work with a self timer on the hose and thought he had it all figured out.  What he didn't know is that this poor hibiscus was in a pot that had no drainage.  It was a pot inside of a pot.  No idea how this happened.  It was sooooo swampy when I got home.

That was 2003 and it never flowered again.  I've been growing these sticks with some green leaves for all this time.

In August, I went to cut down the sticks and see if I could make it thrive from the bottom again and lo and behold, there were BUDS!  I got a few flowers then and now I have one more! 
 These are zinnias that I got from a 25 cent packet from the dollar store.  They have NOT been a disappointment!  I cut off the old blossoms and they keep growing taller and producing more.  These are not as tall as I am 5'2" and still plugging away!

 Out in garden #1, I still have Swiss chard and broccoli.  I put a lot of grass clippings around them when I mowed last weekend, so they are all snug for the cold.
 They are the lone soldiers left in the garden.  I'll probably harvest the chard one more time and then it will be done.  But I pick the broccoli as the florets form and they just keep producing more.
I picked this bagful today.  We eat the flowers too!  I have 9 plants and will probably get enough for the two of us to eat a few more times.  I haven't blanched the broccoli like I did with the green beans because I always seem to have just enough for supper, never enough to put away for later.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Finally- A Legitimate Use For The Poof

You know the poof.  The bath poof.   You get them every Christmas.  From well meaning people.  Who think you aren't washing yourself properly and need some help in the shower.

I used to think they were great.  And then I started thinking about the bacteria festival that goes on in those things after just one use and I was done.  D-U-N.  DONE.

And then k-ster started seeing them and thought I liked them, so every Christmas, he gets me a couple.  I even made a big deal last year about how I don't like them.  And please don't get me any more.

He thought I was kidding.

When I left it with my Christmas presents and didn't do anything with it right away, he brought it into the shower and stuck it to the wall with the handy suction cup.  In case I forgot what it was for.

And it sat there until today.  Because I take most of my showers outside and didn't really see it there.

But today, it was time to clean the bathroom.  It's been stinking lately.  Of toilet.  No matter what I do, all I can smell is toilet.  And after all my scrubbing today, it still smells like toilet. 

I realized that I can use the poof to scrub---- the bathroom!!!  OF COURSE!  It lathers nicely when I put Ajax on it and it's a nice handful of scrubber.  I just went crazy in the tub, scrubbing and having a grand old time!

Now, I can toss it in the wash after I use it and when it falls apart, I won't care because I used it.  For scrubbing!  Just not on my body.

**Don't criticize me for my harvest gold bathtub.  What, you don't scrub the very tub you grew up using?  The one that was put in circa 1970 something?  When all anyone could see were 4 colors:  brown, orange, gold and avocado?  It's lost its luster, so it's a bitch to clean, but now that I have my handy dandy poofs, nothing can stop me!

I thought I'd wrap the package all neatly with a picture of the floor.  Yep, the original linoleum.  From the day linoleum was invented, I think.  I have this in two bathrooms!  I'm so lucky!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Feel Good Friday

It's so hard to find Feel Good Friday moments lately.  My days pass in a frantic haze.  But I'll try.

We did a one mile walk or run this morning at school and I chose to run.  I enjoyed it and didn't even get sweaty.  It was COLD!

Along the lines of physical activity, I taught my spin class tonight and it was fun.  Kind of like old times!  Part of this is because I found a lot of music that had been deleted out of itunes, for reasons I still cannot understand.

K-ster made supper on Wednesday which pretty much preserved our relationship because I had a lesson until 7pm and was hungry before I even went.  It's amazing how when someone else has made supper, eating it at 7:15 isn't such a big deal.  If I had had to make it myself, I probably would have gnawed off my hand in the process.

Lia sophia has COMPLETELY lost their minds.  From now until Christmas, you can buy 1 item at full price and get TWO at half price.  As always, the most expensive items are half price!  Truly insane.  Let's get shopping, ladies!  I'll have it shipped to you in time for the holidays if you get your order in by December 16th.

And the best thing to feel good about:  we have two half days and then 3 days off next week.  The half days are actually full days for teachers, but I only have to teach in the morning, so this is a good thing.

Now go write your own feel good Friday moments and then come back here and tell us  where to go!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Turks and K-ster

It happened again.

We had some visitors. 

They were quite as plentiful as last time and they were definitely younger and smaller.

No matter their size, I just think wild turkeys are the most bizarre creatures! They are so prehistoric looking.  I always feel like I'm looking at dinosaurs when I look at them.

They paid us a visit the other morning, just as we were both leaving.  They didn't seem too fazed by us and since there were no males, nobody got all puffed up and aggressive.

K-ster has an app on his phone for animal calls, so he played the turkey call.  I figured it was so digitized they wouldn't even know.  It was intriguing.  They didn't immediately react, but they started making noises and moving toward the sound.  He played it a few times. 

 THen he was like the pied piper, ushering the turkeys down the lane.

Everyone wants to know if he got one.  You cannot shoot females.

Plus, it's way too easy when they are dining right in your driveway.  And he's too much of a softy to really kill one.  I'm pretty sure.
Besides, who shoots a turkey at 7:30 and then hops in the truck to go to work???

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

An Afternoon With Inspector Clousseau

Have you seen The Pink Panther?  The recent one with Steve Martin?  I watch it every year with 7th grade and I just about fall down laughing every time.  I love Steve Martin and he is so hysterical in that role.

If you haven't seen it, you may not get the humor in this post.  I'll try my best.

Inspector Clousseau is a bumbling idiot and one of his most outrageous problems is his accent.  It is the worst impression of a French accent you will ever hear.  The worst. 

One of his problems is that he cannot say certain words at all.  And so, he brings in an accent coach to help him.  She sits there and painstakingly tries to get him to say words properly but try as she might, he says them horribly and can't imagine what the problem is.  One of those words is hamburger and it happens to get him in big trouble later in the movie.

Well, yesterday, I believe I worked with the very Inspector himself.  I have a new student who never had French and has no clue.  He doesn't try to have a clue.  It's been a tough 3 months and I finally blew the whistle and called home.

Since I am the first French teacher these kids have, I am more concerned with their vocabulary knowledge than perfect pronunciation.  I know, some people are gasping, but I'd rather they learn the words and then they can fix their pronunciation later. I know I still do.  It's a lifelong thing.  And God knows many of you out there hated your language teacher because all she cared about was how well you said it and to this day, you can't speak it at all (I hear this from parents all the time).

I tolerate a lot of very bad accents for the sake of good grammar.  And then I sometimes have mental breakdowns over common, every day words and we all have a good laugh.  And then they still pronounce it horribly. 

 Example:  BONJOUR

You said bonJOUR.  The accent is on the JOUR, not the BON.  SOmehow, I get a at least one kid every year who says BONjour and then it starts to spread and the next thing I know, the kid is in 8th grade and he has a band of others who also say BONjour.  But I digress.

So I called home and he stayed today.  This is how it went:

Me:  Ok, you have a choice, is it mon, ma or mes (pronouned moan, mah or may).  ?

Him:  ummm, grumble mumble, ummm MION.

Me:  you have a choice, is it mon, ma or mes (pronouned moan, mah or may)?

Him:  mumble umm MION.

Me:  is it mon, ma or mes?

Him:  MION

Me:  is it masculine, feminine or plural?

Him:  masculine

Me:  ok, so is it mon, ma or mes?

Him:  mion

Me:  Mon?

Him:  yeah, mon

a few sentences later:

Me:  ok, you said it's masculine, is it mon, ma or mes?

Him:  MION.

Me:  did you say it's masculine?

Him:  yeah

Me:  ok, is it moooooon, maaaaaaa or meeeeeeees?

Him:  MION

Oh my effing God HELP ME NOW!!!

a few minutes later:

Me:  is it mon, ma or mes?

Him:  MON!

Me:  GREAT!!  Perfect!  Now, is this one masculine, feminine or plural?

Him:  masculine

Me:  oui! so which one is it?

Him:  ummmm, ma, no I mean MION!


Monday, November 14, 2011

When Left To My Own Devices

I watch shows on TLC.  I just can 't help it.  I like them!

You've read about this obsession and this one too.  The one k-ster hates the most is this one.

But when k-ster wasn't around on Sunday evening, I had to watch 19 Kids and Counting.  I love this show.  This is nothing like any of those others I linked to, because no one is being outrageous.  Except that they had a million kids.

And they went to Europe this summer, so I had to see  how they did that!

They fascinate me.  I am amazed that they keep having kids.  And that the kids do their best to get along on camera.  And that their oldest son got married and the wife just sort of fell into the fold of all of the other girls in the family and she just finished having her second baby.

It mystifies me that they can function.  And that Jim Bob, the father of them all, just plugs along like the politician he once was.  There is no doubt that when the family started to get way too big and costly for one man to make enough money to support, he used his politician ways to get a network to support their hungry mouths.

And now Michelle is pregnant with #20.  And #19 almost died, so she is really risking it with this one.

I want to know how these kids will all turn out.  I look at them and wonder which one will be the big rebel and turn on the family.  I wonder if any of them will go away to college or if they will all just stay nearby like the oldest one.  I wonder what the younger kids will think when they are adults and realize just how weird their lives were as they grew up from the very beginning on camera.

I wonder when these kids will actually enter the real world.  Because they go to church where their father runs the church.  They go to school at the kitchen table.  They go on vacations that are really missions.  They only time they go into the real, real world is when they go shopping for their crazy amounts of food.  At  what point will they have to actually learn to function with alarm clocks and deadlines and a "normal" life?

And the thing I wonder about the most is what kinds of drugs Michelle is on that she can remain so blase, cheery and peaceful with everything and everyone.

But, then k-ster walked in and saw me watching Sister Wives.  Don't worry.  I'm not too fascinated by Sister Wives.  I can't stand the husband, so this holds no interest for me.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

What An Infomercial Can Teach You

When I first bought my Dyson vacuum, I was going to fall magically in love, like they promised.  I thought I would have so much suction, I'd be vacuuming up the remains of my ancestors from these floors.  I was certain my dirt cellar would pull right up through the main floor because the suction would be so great.

I was also sure that I would LOVe the ball that allows you to twist and turn this thing all over the place.

But I quickly learned that I didn't love it.  The suction was fine, but it was a hazardous machine.  I gave myself a bloodblister.  I thought it was very ergonomically inappropriate.  All of that freedom in the handle allows you to really make your wrists turn in weird ways and it hurts.

Then I caught my first glimpse of the Dyson infomercial and learned that it's actually easier to carry it like this.  Ok, so it became a little less of a danger to carry it, but I still wasnt' in love with it.

And then I recently saw my second glimpse of the infomercial.  And I learned that I dont't have to do this anymore when I want to use the crevice tool or fabric brush.

I had no idea the pole can come out and you can just connect the tools here at the end and have a totally flexible end!  You just push the little but that you see by my hand and the rod comes out and then you can stick the tools on right there.
So much more user friendly!  I used to literally hold my elbow up really high so I could hold that rod at the right angle so I could vacuum the couch or whatever and I it really bothered me.  I thought maybe the Dyson had a height requirement!

But, no matter how much I learn to like the Dyson, this is Gwenstopher's reaction EVERY time.  They haven't shown how to not scare cats during the infomercial.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Why I Can't Go INto Politics

This is exactly why I can't go into politics.  I would be just like Rick Perry and say stupid , stupid things like this and then try to laugh it off.  What an idiot!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Feel Good Friday

It's a quick one this week~!

5.  My students were VERY excited to get their penpals' names this week and went right to work on their letters.  It makes it all so much more REAL!  I get excited too.  Mainly because it proves that I don't sit around make this shit up.  People really do speak French!  In France!  And they don't all live in Paris!

4.  I ran on Monday and my ankle didn't explode, so I guess I will keep at it. 

3.  I sold several pony hats this week, and I'm getting really fast at making them!

2.  I finally found some underwear that is comfortable and comes in normal colors (not black) and they made me pretty happy this week!  Especially on day 6!

1.  I actually SLEPT WELL this week, after we turned back the clocks.  And I didn't have to drag my butt out of bed at 6:30 because the sun was actually out and it wasn't so gloomy.  4:45 sunsets on the other hand....  We can talk about that later.

That's it , sports fans.  It's slim pickings for earth shattering feel good moments around here lately.  The weather is turning, the leaves have all fallen, the darkness approacheth and I'm just trying to stay away from the winter doldrums!!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Sit Back And Have A Rest

You can all rest easy.  I've found some new underwear and I've discovered a secret.  Which do you want first?  Ok, the secret.

I dont' love my schedule at school this year.   That's not my secret.  I would scream it from the mountaintops, but, well, we dont' have mountains here.  Plus, it would be ONE MORE THING I have to add to my list  and really, there isn't any room for more.  In fact, I grow to dislike another piece of this schedule, daily.

I most particularly hate day 6.  Remember, we are on a 6 day rotation.  Thank GOD for the 6 day rotation, is all I have to say.  I sincerely LOVE the rotating aspect.  Like every Monday isn't really a Monday.  Some weeks that is great, some weeks, it's an awful way to start.  But the good news is that the following Monday won't be the same!  And the better news is that day 6 only comes once in a while.

And I love that when we have a holiday, we dont' lose a day.  We just start with the next day whenever we are in school again.  Phew.  No more trying to keep everyone at the same pace so one class gets to do something different lest they get ahead and then I can't remember who did what when.

But day six is just a 6 show day.  One show after another, every 45 minutes, 6 times with a 30 minute lunch in between. 

Underpaid actress.  That's what I am. 

And if 6 periods isn't enough, how about the fact that I teach 7th, then 8th, then back to 7th, then lunch, then a 6th grade non language class, then 6th grade language and then 7th ?

Oh, and those 3 7th grades?  Well, the first and last are doing the same thing but the one in the middle has to do what I did with everyone else on day 5 because I don't see them on day 5.  So when I was on a ROLL on day 5 with all of the other 7th grades, I now have to harken back to what made it so magical and try to recreate that magic with that one 7th grade class. 

Because you see, in 7th and 8th grade, I see everyone 5 out of the 6 days.  Math problem, anyone?   Yeah.  Go look in the dictionary.  THAT is the definition of fun.  Or insanity. You decide.

After having a near breakdown on the evening of day 6 a few cycles back, I decided something has to be done differently on day 6 or I will not make it through the year.  Or someone else might not make it through the year.

And I found the secret.  Wear comfortable underwear.  I swear that's what kept me all shiny and happy all day on the last day 6.  I. SWEAR.

You might recall that  I have some issues with underwear.  I am not ashamed to say it.  I'm not embarrassed to talk about underwear.  I'm not talking about dirty underwear.  I'm not talking about thongs.  I'm just talking about underwear that covers my butt, stays in place and God help me, doesn't end up in tatters in like 2 months.  Really, it's not too much to ask.

$33 and 12 pairs of underwear later, I have found some underwear bliss.  2 of the 12 are excellent.  2 more at the same brand and style and therefore, will be fantastic. 

Then it's off to the packaged Hanes bikinis.  I had to resort to packaged Hanes because I was so unthrilled with the single pairs and the PRICES?  If I didn't think going commando was unhygenic, I'd never by another pair again.  THE PRICES!!  $6 each?  I'm not talking Victoria's Secret!  I'm talking Sears!  $6????  EACH?????

I dont' know much about buying underwear because my mother has always given us underwear for Christmas and until about 1 year ago, they would last forever.  Probably for far longer than any sanitary regulations would suggest, but they would just last and last.  And they would fit and fit.

So, I never really had to fork over the cash.  OMG.   THE CASH.

And the sizes?  I feel sincerely discriminated against because my butt is too small for mediums.  Not a small to be found in some styles.  Not a single thing smaller than a large in many.  Small people have to wear underwear too!!

But after a long hard day of middle school, I can take it all as long as my underwear fits.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I Think I'm Under The Influence of Ruffles

I am a fairly intelligent person.

I am not white trash.

I can distinguish fantasy from reality.

But I cannot tear myself away from some TV shows.  K-ster has banned this one and this one but what he doesn't watch with me, he can't know about, right?    He also hates Dance Moms, another one I have to watch in hiding.

Basically, K-ster would like to ban the entire TLC network from this house.  Because they also bring us Toddlers and Tiaras. 

I cannot tear myself away.   I can just sit there for an entire show, mesmerized.

So, being the fairly intelligent person that I am, I tried to study myself when I watched it the other night.  WHAT IS IT that makes me so fascinated?

Is it the 2 year old who has a cold on pageant day and has been drugged so she feels better?

Is it the 6 year old boy who is "retiring" with this pageant because his father hopes he will be a 4 wheeler racer now?  His mother was BAWLING as he did his "final good bye walk".

Is it the money these parents pay in hopes that one day, their child might win enough money to pay for college?  Don't they realize they could have put all of that money in a savings account and by the time the kid is 18, there will be enough for college?

Is it the $40-$100 per hour that the "coaches" get for trying to wrangle these little girls into doing their routines and prancy walks?

Is it the $200+ that the dresses cost and the fact that they need 2-3 of them, PER SHOW?

Is it the provocative dancing that the little girls do on stage?

Is it the blood curdling screams that come out of these girls as they get pageant ready at the hotel?  As they throw themselves on the floor in tantrums because they are so tired?

No, after considering all of these hypothesis, I have come  to a two part conclusion:  it's the overweight, dumpy mothers behind these toddlers and the scary people in charge of the pageants that make me watch.

I sit and watch these mothers and try to figure out what goes on in their heads.  It's rare that one of these pageant mothers looks like she, herself was pageant material.  They are usually  heavy, tired looking women who dress in sweats and wear little to no make-up or waaaaaayyyyyyy too much makeup.  And they never have their kids under control.

So I wonder.  Were these women who were also in pageants as children?  Were they taught all about bad self image by the age of 5 and spent their lives not eating, binging, dieting, and then just giving up?

Or, did they always wish they could be in pageants but their parents were too mean rational and wouldn't let them, so now it's their chance?

I have to wonder what kind of role model you are for your child if you, yourself don't look like you give 2 shits about how you look.

And there are the fathers.  They always seem like they have no choice and have been handcuffed and dragged there.  They look like they didn't realize just how far things had gone until they go to the show and then reality hits when they see 10 other girls their daughters' age dressed like they are 25.  And that's just not right.

Let me sum up the other half of my conclusion.  The hosts of these pageants.  Where do they find these people?  Do they go to the state penitentiary and wait for the most recent release?  These people are worse than the mothers.  They often are androgenous.  They have cigarette voices, nasty hair and look like they are going to watch a track meet, not host a pageant. 

And their enthusiasm?  over.whelming.

Ok, I've been kind of hard on those of you who like/did/currently put your children through pageants.  It's probably because I grew up in the northeast.   It's not such a big deal around here.  You'll notice the families on Toddlers and Tiaras are always super southern. 

In New England, you won't sweetly entice a child to "get up off the flo-er na-ow so you can win a cra-own....".  People don't talk that nicely around here.  It would be more like "get your goddamned ass of that flo NOW because I said so!  Donchew make me come ova they-a and shove my foot up it!"

And somehow I don't think they'd get the viewership if they filmed in New England.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Pony Up For Pony Hats

I hate wearing winter hats.  I do not look good in those kind of hats that are close to the head. They really make me look like a boy.

Enter PONY HATS!  Set your ponytail FREE!!

Last winter, I found a pattern for what I call pony hats and I tweaked and tweaked until I found what I like. Now at least my ponytail can pop out and look cute and I kind of look like a girl!

I tried selling them on etsy last year, but I think it was too late in the season.  This year, I've put them out there again and I've sold 5 already!  I was making one at a show the other day and a woman asked me to make one in her daughter's school colors, so I did!

They are quick to make, so I don't mind whipping them up by special request.

I made 4 for one woman the other day and I really liked this orange one.  She said burnt orange. It wasn't really that easy to find, but I figured this one that said persimmon is pretty close to what I think of as burnt orange.

 It's fascinating to look at my own hair from this angle and see all of the white hair!  I've refused to color it for all this time and now I figure it's like highlights.  Kind of.  It certainly adds to the variety of colors I have on my head!

You can get them on my etsy.  The link is right over there in the sidebar.

Nothing But Country

Friday, November 4, 2011

Feel Good Friday

At first, I wasn't really going to bother because I have busy, busy, busy this week, but then I found some pictures on my camera, so I thought I'd do something.

*After a surprise frost one morning this week, everything but the broccoli and swiss chard in my gardens is done.  Kaput.  Ruined.  One single frost!  But, I started some broccoli in my greenhouse and my tomatoes are still ripening in there.  Nothing in the greenhouse was frosted, so other than some kind of unhappy basil, everything in there is moving along.
The plants look practically dead, but the tomatoes are hanging on, trying to ripen.
This silly plant is just exploding with flowers, but I think the bees have gone away, so it's all for nothing.  So sad.
There will be potatoes in here.  I think.
Kind of sad basil.  There are some new leaves and they are fine, but the old leaves have some brown spots because they got pretty cold.

*After destroying all of the technology around me, I am back on track.  Not only did I kill an ipod and then try to enlist k-ster to make it all work again, I also managed to make my phone stop working this week.

I am not a smartphone owner for a lot of reasons, the main one being that I would be online ALL THE TIME.  I have a sliding phone which isn't completely a dumbphone.  It will text and take and send pictures, but it doesn't receive them all that well. And it's supposed to be able to go online but it's like using atari to try to navigate the web.  Not really worth it.

I bought this phone in '09 and already by '10 the sliding mechanism broke and the phone was falling apart.  I am very easy on my phones.  I never carry them with me. I don't wear them on me anywhere.  And I don't really use them all that much.  I thought it was ridiculous that after about 1.5 years, it was ruined.

I called tmobile and they agreed to send me a new phone for free.  They sent me the frame of the phone, with no back because that is supposed to deter people from abusing this process, and I had to take the back off of my broken phone and return it.  Otherwise, I'd be charged for a new phone.

When my new phone arrived, for some reason, there were TWO in the box!!  I remember debating for a very long time whether or not I should send back the second one because I didn't want to be charged.  After a few weeks, I forgot about it and put it away.

I can't tell you how THRILLED I was the other night when I remembered that I had this spare phone!  All I had to do was transfer the sim card and battery and put the back on the new one and PRESTO, I had a new phone!  THRILLED!  K-ster was amazed that I pulled a  brand new phone out of my butt.  Sadly, my pretty hibiscus skin isn't going to transfer to the new one.  I did transfer it the first time I got my new one, but I am starting to think the hibiscus is a curse. The ipod.  The phone.  And my laptop is missing the backspace key.  It just fell off one day and stuck to my finger.

I'm telling you, I am destroying technology left and right.

I'm just thrilled that I'm not going to cave for a smartphone this week.  Because at this point, if I have to buy a new one, I am not going to buy a dumbphone. So now I get to debate it for another 3 months before I go to France.

*I caved and bought the new ipod nano.  The 6th generation.  I've read about and debated about this for about a month.  Many pros and cons.  But I'm really tired of my sister's ipod not lasting for more than about 5 minutes when I use it anywhere but at the gym.

 Isn't this the most ridiculous thing?  It's so small and slippery I live on the edge of droping it at every moment.  And the whole thing is a touch screen, so there is nowhere to hold it.
I got it because I like this whole clip idea.  I figure if it is clipped to me, I'm less likely to stick it anywhere that it will get sweaty and ruined.  But it's so slippery, I'm likely to launch it right into the trash without even trying.  From across the room.  I have GOT to find some kind of rubbery skin to put  on it.

Sadly, I think I will continue to use my sister's ipod at the gym.  When it's plugged into the dock, it behaves just as it should.  And after using an ipod for so long, I am paralyzed when I can't scroll all willy nilly through my music for each song.   In the old days, I would make a CD, I would write every song and the number of minutes on it and then I would play just that one CD.   Then they got a 5 CD player and I could hop around.  Then I got an ipod and learned the beauty of making my own mixes on the spot.

I used the new one today for spin and as I suspected, my sweaty hands and its super nano size weren't really meant for scrolling about.  I am not a fan of the touch screen, part of the reason I shy away from smartphones, and it was cumbersome and awkward for spin.  So, unless I want to make albums like the old days and just set it and let it play, I don't think this is the right ipod for the gym.

But it's going to be butt kicking awesome for my own exercise, mowing, listening to books on tape, etc.

We shouldn't talk about how I thought it was broken because it paused every 2 minutes and the sound was bad.  It was just that I was too DUMB to plug in the headphone all the way.  On the apple site it even has a link to trouble shooting that problem.  And it shows two pictures.  One of a dumbass who didn't plug her headphones in all the way and one with the headphones all snug and tidy.

*They finally got the bells working right at school, so all classes start and end on bells.  It's what, like November?  But at least they work.  The kids were so funny when the first one went off mid day yesterday.  They were so excited.  One girl said she felt older.  I said "Yeah, it's just like on TV!" and she was like "YEAH~!~"  So funny.

*Thank God for my 7th grade.  They keep me so entertained.  I have 4 sections of them, so it's a good thing they are so awesome right now.

*A lady saw my pony hats on etsy and asked me to make 4 of them for her!  I found a yarn I really like while I was making them.  Maybe this will increase my sales a little.  They are easy to make and I was able to bang them right out for her.

OK, that's all the feel good I can come up with.  I have more technology to get my dirty hands on and see what I can ruin.  Go write your own feel good Friday post and come back and tell us where to go!