Monday, May 24, 2010

Jello Pudding Pops

Jello Pudding pops need to come back. They were supposedly frozen pudding on a stick and came in a couple of flavors. I LOVED those things. Where did they go?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Sometimes the Funny is Missing

I haven't posted in a few days because I haven't seen much that was worth commenting on or that I thought could be funny. Well, ok, maybe this but it's brief.

I was at Barnes and Noble the other day and a man was reading a book in one of those comfy chairs. With his shoes off!!!! That's going too far. It's bad enough they encourage you to sit and read a book instead of buying it, but taking off your shoes? NOT ok.

Oh and tonight I wonder why it is that women who normally are quite stern looking and have it all together feel the need to say "Yay yeah" and making various grunting sounds when taking a step class? I haven't taken step for a while and thought it would be a nice change for my muscles and this annoying woman parked her step too close to mine. She proceeded to make these noises and answer rhetorical questions asked by the instructor throughout the class. Then I noticed her sweat pattern on the front made a pretty butterfly pattern and I almost said something. Then I figured she'd probably bug me for the rest of the class so I didn't. When she turned around I could hardly contain myself because the sweat pattern on the back of her shirt was this really MEAN looking face, with eyes, nose and mouth! Very evil and very funny.

Monday, May 10, 2010


Can we please abolish UGGS? I have never had such a problem with a shoe in my life. I think they are the ugliest things on the planet. I think they make people look like slobs and like people are walking on marshmallows.

Some of this dislike might come from the fact that my students wear them year round. They are filthy and they SMELL!!! Some of the most put together girls wear them and they smell so bad I am amazed that anyone will hang around with them.

There must be a stop to this madness!!!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Too Many Choices

Do we really need to have a choice when it comes to what pictures are on stamps? Really? It boggles my mind to wait in line while someone in front of me has to deliberate about whether they want Simpsons stamps, Liberty Bell stamps or Love stamps. Once you put it on the envelope, you'll never see it again so WHO CARES???? I know I've never lost respect for a person because they chose the wrong stamp to mail my letter. How many marriages have failed because LOVE stamps weren't put on the invitations? Of all the things we need to make serious choices about in this life, must postage stamps be one of them? And why do the postal workers take it so seriously? Think of the minutes that could be saved by simply taking whatever stamps out of the drawer and handing them to the person who wants to buy them instead of having this ridiculous conversation.

Friday, May 7, 2010


There have been 3 items of clothing in my life that I have especially loved and all 3 have disappeared at one time or another. I think I'm cursed. The first was a cross necklace that someone gave me for my First Communion. It vanished into thin air and couldn't be found for years. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I noticed it hanging at the back of a bookshelf, somewhere that I never could have dropped it. I thought it was God's work. It then disappeared again, so where was the first place I looked? Of course, in on that same bookshelf, thinking God liked to put it there. No such luck and I never found it again.

The second was a red bathing suit that my friend Jen gave me. I thought it was the coolest bathing suit. It was a one piece and had what I guess would be called ruching My mother made me wash it and hang it on the line to dry but then it vanished. You probably think I went back to that bookshelf, right? Of course not. By then I knew that God didn't put my cross on the shelf and of course, I also knew that God didn't care about my red bathing suit enough to put it in plain sight. My mother claimed that maybe it blew off into the bushes. I looked pretty hard for it but never found it. I always wondered how a bright red bathing suit could just fly off in to the bushes and then never be seen.

Today, I realize that my mother probably took that cross because she didn't want me to lose and then she herself lost it and I found it the first time. Where it went the second time is anyone's guess. I also later figured that she never liked that red bathing suit (maybe because it was racy looking or because it had been previously worn- eeeew) so she probably disposed of it herself. If I asked her today she would say she doesn't remember a red bathing suit. Hmmm.

My third material love in this life is a pair of Ann Taylor capris. I didn't think they were all that special when I bought them but I have learned they are the best pair of capris ever made. For almost the entire summer last year I thought they were gone. Again, vanished before my eyes. Around September I found that they had been buried under some clothes on my washing machine all summer. That's what I get for not putting things away. I thought the curse was gone until this morning. I decided to go and get these capris from the summer clothes box even though I was running late. I found them right away and thought they came down the stairs with me. However, when it was time to get dressed, I just kept wandering around hoping I'd find them. I went into each room roughly 5 times assuming they would appear. I do that a lot, walking around and around thinking maybe this time around I will see whatever I am looking for. Now I was on the verge of frustrated tears knowing I had them in my hand and there was no way they disappeared. I thought maybe I should call in sick because otherwise I would be pantsless. Finally, I retraced my steps back to the summer clothes box and THERE THEY WERE. I got sidetracked and put them down and then forgot to bring them with me.


Thursday, May 6, 2010


This is one of those days that you find in the dictionary next to the word humid. It's so slimy that everything feels wet. At school, everything feels like it's going to slide right off and it's hot one second and cold the next. Our building really holds in the humidity. I feel like a big frizzled mess today. It's only May. We never see this kind of humidity this early in the year!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Showin' Me A Good Time

My man sure knows how to show a woman a good time on a Friday night! Take for instance, last Friday night. While most women want to be wined and dined and would never think staying in on a Friday is appropriate, I live for Friday nights at home. I am so busy and so programmed all week that having nothing to do after I teach my spinning class is like my dream night. Such was the plan last Friday night. I thought I'd eat something, maybe mow some grass before sundown, watch The Blind Side.

So I got home to find him outside the garage, under his truck in the dirt, trying to replace the pipe that goes from where you put the gas in the truck and where it actually enters the gas tank. Mechanics, eat your hearts out with that explanation. Anyway,he said it would be a simple thing to do, just undo two bolts and as long as he had daylight, he'd be done soon.

After I finished using my reel mower(the old fashioned push behind that use no fuel and only like grass that is less than 5 inches tall), he asked if I could "help" him for a minute. That minute turned into 2-3 hours and let me tell you how exciting it was. He lifted the truck 6 inches a few years ago and not only does this make it very bouncy and me feel very silly in it, it also means that I can sit completely upright and almost scoot around underneath it. My job was trifold: first, I was to go out and find some cinderblocks and patio blocks and bring them in to quickly SHOVE under the gas tank to support it as he held it up with all his strength(had it been empty, this would have been far easier). Then, my later job was to quickly slide out those very same blocks before he dropped the thing on his head so he could lower it down to reach the bolts that were rusted and refused to budge. Third, my job was to crawl around holding a light so he could see the bolts that refused to move while he did a lot of grunting, groaning and swearing.

As I sat on the floor of the garage(it took some convincing that his attitude might improve if he wasn't laying in dirt but instead on the garage floor, holding a light into a crevice, both of us filthy, I reminded him that the next time around, he's not going to be so lucky as to find a girl like me. My only issue was with how filthy his clothes were, so he had to take them off outside and get right in the outdoor shower and leave them out there.

How many of you out there would agree to spend a Friday night like that? I'd take that any night over fine dining and fanciness!