Monday, April 20, 2015

And This Is Why I Don't Go To Restaurants

"Can you  help me?  Can you help me?  Hello, is someone there?  Can you help me?" was the plaintive plea as I entered the bathroom at a fish and chips place tonight.

Words can't express how badly I wanted to turn around and run all the way home, leaving k-ster, my car, and my supper in the dust.

CAN I HELP YOU?  A STRANGER IN A BATHROOM?????

There are 3 stalls in this bathroom and as I entered mine, I noticed a walker in the aisle and all of the doors were open.  As I dipped my toe into the first stall, I the woman in the second stall called out for help.

I turned to go and then felt terrible about it as she kept saying "can you help me?" so I went back and said "yes, what can I do?"

Is this Candid Camera?
 
Hand you some toilet paper?  Sure.

Tell someone in the restaurant that you need some help?  No problem.

Remind you where you are because you've lost track?  I'm on it.

But anything else I could imagine her saying?  No way.

"Can you hand me that walker there?  There's no one here, can you just hand it to me?"

So, I pushed it at her, surprised that she had so many nightgown/dress/petticoat layers going on that I would never have known she was on the toilet.

She thanked me and I went on my merry way, happily closing my own stall door.  She mumbled around like Marge Simpson and I was already thinking about my next stop after supper.

And before I was even finished, I heard "Can you help me?  Hello?  Can you help me?" again.

I froze.

What could I possibly do for her at this point?

Seriously, is this Candid Camera?

"Can you please help me?" over and over and I wanted to say "WOULD YOU LET ME FINISH FIRST???"

Instead, I finished my business and popped back to her door and said "what can I do?"

Well, it seemed, she couldn't get up.  Not even with the walker.

Seriously, can a meteor strike me down right now?  What am I going to do?

She only had one hand out so for a moment, I thought maybe she didn't have an arm.  That would certainly slow down an able bodied person, let alone this feeble woman.

"I can't get up.  It's like I need a push."

"Here if I put out my hand and you hold it, will that be enough to help?"

"Oh I don't know...." so she tried.  And failed.

"Would it help if you put your other hand on the walker as you held onto mine?"  I had discovered that she did have both arms and was trying to push off the back of the toilet with one of them.

"Oh, I don't think sooooo....."

Apparently I gave off my usual vibe of "that's baloney now DO IT" so she gave a serious push from somewhere and pulled her entire several hundred pound self up onto my arm and grabbed the walker.  Shocked, I think.

But I didn't stick around long enough to here what else she had to say.  Or see what came next.

I was like the little Good Samaritan sprite who vanished into the night without a sound.

And hopefully, without a lawsuit.

So thankful that she had on 5 housecoats so I never knew what really went on in there.

See why I hate to go out to dinner????

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