You can all rest easy. I've found some new underwear and I've discovered a secret. Which do you want first? Ok, the secret.
I dont' love my schedule at school this year. That's not my secret. I would scream it from the mountaintops, but, well, we dont' have mountains here. Plus, it would be ONE MORE THING I have to add to my list and really, there isn't any room for more. In fact, I grow to dislike another piece of this schedule, daily.
I most particularly hate day 6. Remember, we are on a 6 day rotation. Thank GOD for the 6 day rotation, is all I have to say. I sincerely LOVE the rotating aspect. Like every Monday isn't really a Monday. Some weeks that is great, some weeks, it's an awful way to start. But the good news is that the following Monday won't be the same! And the better news is that day 6 only comes once in a while.
And I love that when we have a holiday, we dont' lose a day. We just start with the next day whenever we are in school again. Phew. No more trying to keep everyone at the same pace so one class gets to do something different lest they get ahead and then I can't remember who did what when.
But day six is just a 6 show day. One show after another, every 45 minutes, 6 times with a 30 minute lunch in between.
Underpaid actress. That's what I am.
And if 6 periods isn't enough, how about the fact that I teach 7th, then 8th, then back to 7th, then lunch, then a 6th grade non language class, then 6th grade language and then 7th ?
Oh, and those 3 7th grades? Well, the first and last are doing the same thing but the one in the middle has to do what I did with everyone else on day 5 because I don't see them on day 5. So when I was on a ROLL on day 5 with all of the other 7th grades, I now have to harken back to what made it so magical and try to recreate that magic with that one 7th grade class.
Because you see, in 7th and 8th grade, I see everyone 5 out of the 6 days. Math problem, anyone? Yeah. Go look in the dictionary. THAT is the definition of fun. Or insanity. You decide.
After having a near breakdown on the evening of day 6 a few cycles back, I decided something has to be done differently on day 6 or I will not make it through the year. Or someone else might not make it through the year.
And I found the secret. Wear comfortable underwear. I swear that's what kept me all shiny and happy all day on the last day 6. I. SWEAR.
You might recall that I have some issues with underwear. I am not ashamed to say it. I'm not embarrassed to talk about underwear. I'm not talking about dirty underwear. I'm not talking about thongs. I'm just talking about underwear that covers my butt, stays in place and God help me, doesn't end up in tatters in like 2 months. Really, it's not too much to ask.
$33 and 12 pairs of underwear later, I have found some underwear bliss. 2 of the 12 are excellent. 2 more at the same brand and style and therefore, will be fantastic.
Then it's off to the packaged Hanes bikinis. I had to resort to packaged Hanes because I was so unthrilled with the single pairs and the PRICES? If I didn't think going commando was unhygenic, I'd never by another pair again. THE PRICES!! $6 each? I'm not talking Victoria's Secret! I'm talking Sears! $6???? EACH?????
I dont' know much about buying underwear because my mother has always given us underwear for Christmas and until about 1 year ago, they would last forever. Probably for far longer than any sanitary regulations would suggest, but they would just last and last. And they would fit and fit.
So, I never really had to fork over the cash. OMG. THE CASH.
And the sizes? I feel sincerely discriminated against because my butt is too small for mediums. Not a small to be found in some styles. Not a single thing smaller than a large in many. Small people have to wear underwear too!!
But after a long hard day of middle school, I can take it all as long as my underwear fits.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
I Think I'm Under The Influence of Ruffles
I am a fairly intelligent person.
I am not white trash.
I can distinguish fantasy from reality.
But I cannot tear myself away from some TV shows. K-ster has banned this one and this one but what he doesn't watch with me, he can't know about, right? He also hates Dance Moms, another one I have to watch in hiding.
Basically, K-ster would like to ban the entire TLC network from this house. Because they also bring us Toddlers and Tiaras.
I cannot tear myself away. I can just sit there for an entire show, mesmerized.
So, being the fairly intelligent person that I am, I tried to study myself when I watched it the other night. WHAT IS IT that makes me so fascinated?
Is it the 2 year old who has a cold on pageant day and has been drugged so she feels better?
Is it the 6 year old boy who is "retiring" with this pageant because his father hopes he will be a 4 wheeler racer now? His mother was BAWLING as he did his "final good bye walk".
Is it the money these parents pay in hopes that one day, their child might win enough money to pay for college? Don't they realize they could have put all of that money in a savings account and by the time the kid is 18, there will be enough for college?
Is it the $40-$100 per hour that the "coaches" get for trying to wrangle these little girls into doing their routines and prancy walks?
Is it the $200+ that the dresses cost and the fact that they need 2-3 of them, PER SHOW?
Is it the provocative dancing that the little girls do on stage?
Is it the blood curdling screams that come out of these girls as they get pageant ready at the hotel? As they throw themselves on the floor in tantrums because they are so tired?
No, after considering all of these hypothesis, I have come to a two part conclusion: it's the overweight, dumpy mothers behind these toddlers and the scary people in charge of the pageants that make me watch.
I sit and watch these mothers and try to figure out what goes on in their heads. It's rare that one of these pageant mothers looks like she, herself was pageant material. They are usually heavy, tired looking women who dress in sweats and wear little to no make-up or waaaaaayyyyyyy too much makeup. And they never have their kids under control.
So I wonder. Were these women who were also in pageants as children? Were they taught all about bad self image by the age of 5 and spent their lives not eating, binging, dieting, and then just giving up?
Or, did they always wish they could be in pageants but their parents were toomean rational and wouldn't let them, so now it's their chance?
I have to wonder what kind of role model you are for your child if you, yourself don't look like you give 2 shits about how you look.
And there are the fathers. They always seem like they have no choice and have been handcuffed and dragged there. They look like they didn't realize just how far things had gone until they go to the show and then reality hits when they see 10 other girls their daughters' age dressed like they are 25. And that's just not right.
Let me sum up the other half of my conclusion. The hosts of these pageants. Where do they find these people? Do they go to the state penitentiary and wait for the most recent release? These people are worse than the mothers. They often are androgenous. They have cigarette voices, nasty hair and look like they are going to watch a track meet, not host a pageant.
And their enthusiasm? over.whelming.
Ok, I've been kind of hard on those of you who like/did/currently put your children through pageants. It's probably because I grew up in the northeast. It's not such a big deal around here. You'll notice the families on Toddlers and Tiaras are always super southern.
In New England, you won't sweetly entice a child to "get up off the flo-er na-ow so you can win a cra-own....". People don't talk that nicely around here. It would be more like "get your goddamned ass of that flo NOW because I said so! Donchew make me come ova they-a and shove my foot up it!"
And somehow I don't think they'd get the viewership if they filmed in New England.
I am not white trash.
I can distinguish fantasy from reality.
But I cannot tear myself away from some TV shows. K-ster has banned this one and this one but what he doesn't watch with me, he can't know about, right? He also hates Dance Moms, another one I have to watch in hiding.
Basically, K-ster would like to ban the entire TLC network from this house. Because they also bring us Toddlers and Tiaras.
I cannot tear myself away. I can just sit there for an entire show, mesmerized.
So, being the fairly intelligent person that I am, I tried to study myself when I watched it the other night. WHAT IS IT that makes me so fascinated?
Is it the 2 year old who has a cold on pageant day and has been drugged so she feels better?
Is it the 6 year old boy who is "retiring" with this pageant because his father hopes he will be a 4 wheeler racer now? His mother was BAWLING as he did his "final good bye walk".
Is it the money these parents pay in hopes that one day, their child might win enough money to pay for college? Don't they realize they could have put all of that money in a savings account and by the time the kid is 18, there will be enough for college?
Is it the $40-$100 per hour that the "coaches" get for trying to wrangle these little girls into doing their routines and prancy walks?
Is it the $200+ that the dresses cost and the fact that they need 2-3 of them, PER SHOW?
Is it the provocative dancing that the little girls do on stage?
Is it the blood curdling screams that come out of these girls as they get pageant ready at the hotel? As they throw themselves on the floor in tantrums because they are so tired?
No, after considering all of these hypothesis, I have come to a two part conclusion: it's the overweight, dumpy mothers behind these toddlers and the scary people in charge of the pageants that make me watch.
I sit and watch these mothers and try to figure out what goes on in their heads. It's rare that one of these pageant mothers looks like she, herself was pageant material. They are usually heavy, tired looking women who dress in sweats and wear little to no make-up or waaaaaayyyyyyy too much makeup. And they never have their kids under control.
So I wonder. Were these women who were also in pageants as children? Were they taught all about bad self image by the age of 5 and spent their lives not eating, binging, dieting, and then just giving up?
Or, did they always wish they could be in pageants but their parents were too
I have to wonder what kind of role model you are for your child if you, yourself don't look like you give 2 shits about how you look.
And there are the fathers. They always seem like they have no choice and have been handcuffed and dragged there. They look like they didn't realize just how far things had gone until they go to the show and then reality hits when they see 10 other girls their daughters' age dressed like they are 25. And that's just not right.
Let me sum up the other half of my conclusion. The hosts of these pageants. Where do they find these people? Do they go to the state penitentiary and wait for the most recent release? These people are worse than the mothers. They often are androgenous. They have cigarette voices, nasty hair and look like they are going to watch a track meet, not host a pageant.
And their enthusiasm? over.whelming.
Ok, I've been kind of hard on those of you who like/did/currently put your children through pageants. It's probably because I grew up in the northeast. It's not such a big deal around here. You'll notice the families on Toddlers and Tiaras are always super southern.
In New England, you won't sweetly entice a child to "get up off the flo-er na-ow so you can win a cra-own....". People don't talk that nicely around here. It would be more like "get your goddamned ass of that flo NOW because I said so! Donchew make me come ova they-a and shove my foot up it!"
And somehow I don't think they'd get the viewership if they filmed in New England.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Pony Up For Pony Hats
I hate wearing winter hats. I do not look good in those kind of hats that are close to the head. They really make me look like a boy.
Enter PONY HATS! Set your ponytail FREE!!
Last winter, I found a pattern for what I call pony hats and I tweaked and tweaked until I found what I like. Now at least my ponytail can pop out and look cute and I kind of look like a girl!
I tried selling them on etsy last year, but I think it was too late in the season. This year, I've put them out there again and I've sold 5 already! I was making one at a show the other day and a woman asked me to make one in her daughter's school colors, so I did!They are quick to make, so I don't mind whipping them up by special request.
I made 4 for one woman the other day and I really liked this orange one. She said burnt orange. It wasn't really that easy to find, but I figured this one that said persimmon is pretty close to what I think of as burnt orange.
You can get them on my etsy. The link is right over there in the sidebar.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Feel Good Friday
At first, I wasn't really going to bother because I have busy, busy, busy this week, but then I found some pictures on my camera, so I thought I'd do something.
*After a surprise frost one morning this week, everything but the broccoli and swiss chard in my gardens is done. Kaput. Ruined. One single frost! But, I started some broccoli in my greenhouse and my tomatoes are still ripening in there. Nothing in the greenhouse was frosted, so other than some kind of unhappy basil, everything in there is moving along.
The plants look practically dead, but the tomatoes are hanging on, trying to ripen.
This silly plant is just exploding with flowers, but I think the bees have gone away, so it's all for nothing. So sad.
Kind of sad basil. There are some new leaves and they are fine, but the old leaves have some brown spots because they got pretty cold.
*After destroying all of the technology around me, I am back on track. Not only did I kill an ipod and then try to enlist k-ster to make it all work again, I also managed to make my phone stop working this week.
I am not a smartphone owner for a lot of reasons, the main one being that I would be online ALL THE TIME. I have a sliding phone which isn't completely a dumbphone. It will text and take and send pictures, but it doesn't receive them all that well. And it's supposed to be able to go online but it's like using atari to try to navigate the web. Not really worth it.
I bought this phone in '09 and already by '10 the sliding mechanism broke and the phone was falling apart. I am very easy on my phones. I never carry them with me. I don't wear them on me anywhere. And I don't really use them all that much. I thought it was ridiculous that after about 1.5 years, it was ruined.
I called tmobile and they agreed to send me a new phone for free. They sent me the frame of the phone, with no back because that is supposed to deter people from abusing this process, and I had to take the back off of my broken phone and return it. Otherwise, I'd be charged for a new phone.
When my new phone arrived, for some reason, there were TWO in the box!! I remember debating for a very long time whether or not I should send back the second one because I didn't want to be charged. After a few weeks, I forgot about it and put it away.
I can't tell you how THRILLED I was the other night when I remembered that I had this spare phone! All I had to do was transfer the sim card and battery and put the back on the new one and PRESTO, I had a new phone! THRILLED! K-ster was amazed that I pulled a brand new phone out of my butt. Sadly, my pretty hibiscus skin isn't going to transfer to the new one. I did transfer it the first time I got my new one, but I am starting to think the hibiscus is a curse. The ipod. The phone. And my laptop is missing the backspace key. It just fell off one day and stuck to my finger.
I'm telling you, I am destroying technology left and right.
I'm just thrilled that I'm not going to cave for a smartphone this week. Because at this point, if I have to buy a new one, I am not going to buy a dumbphone. So now I get to debate it for another 3 months before I go to France.
*I caved and bought the new ipod nano. The 6th generation. I've read about and debated about this for about a month. Many pros and cons. But I'm really tired of my sister's ipod not lasting for more than about 5 minutes when I use it anywhere but at the gym.
Isn't this the most ridiculous thing? It's so small and slippery I live on the edge of droping it at every moment. And the whole thing is a touch screen, so there is nowhere to hold it.
I got it because I like this whole clip idea. I figure if it is clipped to me, I'm less likely to stick it anywhere that it will get sweaty and ruined. But it's so slippery, I'm likely to launch it right into the trash without even trying. From across the room. I have GOT to find some kind of rubbery skin to put on it.
Sadly, I think I will continue to use my sister's ipod at the gym. When it's plugged into the dock, it behaves just as it should. And after using an ipod for so long, I am paralyzed when I can't scroll all willy nilly through my music for each song. In the old days, I would make a CD, I would write every song and the number of minutes on it and then I would play just that one CD. Then they got a 5 CD player and I could hop around. Then I got an ipod and learned the beauty of making my own mixes on the spot.
I used the new one today for spin and as I suspected, my sweaty hands and its super nano size weren't really meant for scrolling about. I am not a fan of the touch screen, part of the reason I shy away from smartphones, and it was cumbersome and awkward for spin. So, unless I want to make albums like the old days and just set it and let it play, I don't think this is the right ipod for the gym.
But it's going to be butt kicking awesome for my own exercise, mowing, listening to books on tape, etc.
We shouldn't talk about how I thought it was broken because it paused every 2 minutes and the sound was bad. It was just that I was too DUMB to plug in the headphone all the way. On the apple site it even has a link to trouble shooting that problem. And it shows two pictures. One of a dumbass who didn't plug her headphones in all the way and one with the headphones all snug and tidy.
*They finally got the bells working right at school, so all classes start and end on bells. It's what, like November? But at least they work. The kids were so funny when the first one went off mid day yesterday. They were so excited. One girl said she felt older. I said "Yeah, it's just like on TV!" and she was like "YEAH~!~" So funny.
*Thank God for my 7th grade. They keep me so entertained. I have 4 sections of them, so it's a good thing they are so awesome right now.
*A lady saw my pony hats on etsy and asked me to make 4 of them for her! I found a yarn I really like while I was making them. Maybe this will increase my sales a little. They are easy to make and I was able to bang them right out for her.
OK, that's all the feel good I can come up with. I have more technology to get my dirty hands on and see what I can ruin. Go write your own feel good Friday post and come back and tell us where to go!
*After a surprise frost one morning this week, everything but the broccoli and swiss chard in my gardens is done. Kaput. Ruined. One single frost! But, I started some broccoli in my greenhouse and my tomatoes are still ripening in there. Nothing in the greenhouse was frosted, so other than some kind of unhappy basil, everything in there is moving along.
There will be potatoes in here. I think.
*After destroying all of the technology around me, I am back on track. Not only did I kill an ipod and then try to enlist k-ster to make it all work again, I also managed to make my phone stop working this week.
I am not a smartphone owner for a lot of reasons, the main one being that I would be online ALL THE TIME. I have a sliding phone which isn't completely a dumbphone. It will text and take and send pictures, but it doesn't receive them all that well. And it's supposed to be able to go online but it's like using atari to try to navigate the web. Not really worth it.
I bought this phone in '09 and already by '10 the sliding mechanism broke and the phone was falling apart. I am very easy on my phones. I never carry them with me. I don't wear them on me anywhere. And I don't really use them all that much. I thought it was ridiculous that after about 1.5 years, it was ruined.
I called tmobile and they agreed to send me a new phone for free. They sent me the frame of the phone, with no back because that is supposed to deter people from abusing this process, and I had to take the back off of my broken phone and return it. Otherwise, I'd be charged for a new phone.
When my new phone arrived, for some reason, there were TWO in the box!! I remember debating for a very long time whether or not I should send back the second one because I didn't want to be charged. After a few weeks, I forgot about it and put it away.
I can't tell you how THRILLED I was the other night when I remembered that I had this spare phone! All I had to do was transfer the sim card and battery and put the back on the new one and PRESTO, I had a new phone! THRILLED! K-ster was amazed that I pulled a brand new phone out of my butt. Sadly, my pretty hibiscus skin isn't going to transfer to the new one. I did transfer it the first time I got my new one, but I am starting to think the hibiscus is a curse. The ipod. The phone. And my laptop is missing the backspace key. It just fell off one day and stuck to my finger.
I'm telling you, I am destroying technology left and right.
I'm just thrilled that I'm not going to cave for a smartphone this week. Because at this point, if I have to buy a new one, I am not going to buy a dumbphone. So now I get to debate it for another 3 months before I go to France.
*I caved and bought the new ipod nano. The 6th generation. I've read about and debated about this for about a month. Many pros and cons. But I'm really tired of my sister's ipod not lasting for more than about 5 minutes when I use it anywhere but at the gym.
Sadly, I think I will continue to use my sister's ipod at the gym. When it's plugged into the dock, it behaves just as it should. And after using an ipod for so long, I am paralyzed when I can't scroll all willy nilly through my music for each song. In the old days, I would make a CD, I would write every song and the number of minutes on it and then I would play just that one CD. Then they got a 5 CD player and I could hop around. Then I got an ipod and learned the beauty of making my own mixes on the spot.
I used the new one today for spin and as I suspected, my sweaty hands and its super nano size weren't really meant for scrolling about. I am not a fan of the touch screen, part of the reason I shy away from smartphones, and it was cumbersome and awkward for spin. So, unless I want to make albums like the old days and just set it and let it play, I don't think this is the right ipod for the gym.
But it's going to be butt kicking awesome for my own exercise, mowing, listening to books on tape, etc.
We shouldn't talk about how I thought it was broken because it paused every 2 minutes and the sound was bad. It was just that I was too DUMB to plug in the headphone all the way. On the apple site it even has a link to trouble shooting that problem. And it shows two pictures. One of a dumbass who didn't plug her headphones in all the way and one with the headphones all snug and tidy.
*They finally got the bells working right at school, so all classes start and end on bells. It's what, like November? But at least they work. The kids were so funny when the first one went off mid day yesterday. They were so excited. One girl said she felt older. I said "Yeah, it's just like on TV!" and she was like "YEAH~!~" So funny.
*Thank God for my 7th grade. They keep me so entertained. I have 4 sections of them, so it's a good thing they are so awesome right now.
*A lady saw my pony hats on etsy and asked me to make 4 of them for her! I found a yarn I really like while I was making them. Maybe this will increase my sales a little. They are easy to make and I was able to bang them right out for her.
OK, that's all the feel good I can come up with. I have more technology to get my dirty hands on and see what I can ruin. Go write your own feel good Friday post and come back and tell us where to go!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
What the Cat Dragged In
This is a WTF WEDNESDAY. I'm certain it is. I looked it up, even.
It seems there is no story I can tell you here that doesn't require some sort of back story.
In 2007, I began a French group for adults. After teaching for many years with no connections to anyone who speaks French, I decided it was time to start a group where people who actually speak French can get together and do just that, once a month.
I had visions of chic, interesting people who visit French speaking places often. People who know what they are doing when they open their mouths to speak French. People who would pair up and go out for cafe on a regular basis and eat baguettes chez each other and maybe even organize a trip to Paris.
4 years later, I still host this group once a month. We meet at the Cultural Center. After some trial and error, I determined that the most successful evenings were the evenings I showed a movie or we had a potluck dinner. Not being one to change things that work, I alternate a movie or potluck month after month.
And I get all of the lunatics who live in the area. Anyone who thinks they might have once spoken French comes. Most figure out right away that they do actually have to speak French and they won't come back. Sadly, a few still come though they can't say much and they spend the whole evening apologizing that they can't speak French. I even removed one guy from my email list, didn't tell him, and last month he reappeared as the guest of someone new!
For the most part, those who come regularly speak very well, some better than I do, and there is a core group that has a really good time. They are doing what I wanted people to do when I first created the group: they are connecting, making friendships and coming regularly.
Then there are the very old ladies whose parents came from Quebec. These ladies are very cute and their French is nearly impossible to understand because a) they are old so they don't speak clearly, b) they have spoken English most of their lives so they speak a mix of franglais and words I am pretty sure they just completely make up and c) they speak with the rural Quebec accent that is pretty hard to decipher. There are 3 of them and they are cute and I love it when they come because they occupy each other.
Because that's what this has become. It's yet another facet of my life where I have to worry about what everyone else is thinking and if they are comfortable and tell them where to find what they need and listen to what I could do to make it better.
So much for speaking lots of French with hip, cool people who really inspire me to organize trips and keep speaking le français.
But, I do make a little money, so it is worth it and sometimes it provides me with good stories.
So, do you get what we do?
Now, last night was a movie night. I usually pick my movies from Netflix because they have really up to date French movies and I get them early, watch them and then hold onto them until I am ready to show them.
I always preview the movies after the Chocolat incident. I was told that Johnny Depp speaks French in the movie. I didn't realize they meant he speaks a word or two but it's an American movie. DUH. Never again will I show a movie without watching!
So, I found this movie Le Nom des Gens that I thought was pretty funny. It's recent, it's clear (sometimes French movies are dark), the sound is good (sometimes they are too quiet) and I was laughing for most of the movie.
One has to be ever so careful with French movies because there are often scenes with nudity that just don't make sense to our prudish American eyes. Like why is everyone else completely dressed but a woman just walked through the room naked?
This movie has nudity and sexual themes, but when I watched it, I thought it was tame enough. I thought maybe people would hold their breath a little, but the entertainment factor of the funny parts would make it all ok.
Did I mention the average age of the attendees might be like 65? On a good night? I'm always the youngest and there's always someone pushing 80 and lots of people around the half century mark.
Still, I thought maybe the nudity wouldn't be a problem.
But, I guess it was. One woman left, so mad that she slammed her bottle into the trash, told me the movie is DISGUSTING and she is "really upset". It was one of the cute Quebec ladies.
I guess it was the scene where the girl is stark naked,with boots, wandering around Paris while on her phone. And we see everything. But it's funny because she got distracted and rushed out to buy a present and that's why she's naked.
Yeah Quebec lady #1 didn't find it funny.
Oh, did I mention the cat?
When I walked into the Cultural Center, I thought I heard someone say "do you have a cat in there?" and I thought I heard meowing. Since the person talking is in charge of the boutique, I was sure she meant she was looking for a wooden cat, or a stuffed cat, or a picture of a cat.
But no, there was a really pretty cat wandering around. They said it's been there off and on for a while. And they feed it. And it's the most friendly thing I've ever seen.
But it howls to get your attention. It does that fake sounding meow that you think is someone pretending to be a cat. Not a high pitched meow like that cat on marry Tyler Moore's opening. (or was it the closing?)
I thought "Hmm, this might not go over too well if this cat meows all night" but then I thought it would be let out. Or that someone's lap would entice it. Or that the movie would overpower the meowing.
I did casually mention to a few people that there is a cat. And then I told Quebec lady #2.
And she freaked. She said she has allergies. And I know she's been sick and hasn't come for a long time because of it. And we were so happy to see her tonight.
The cat was up in the office for a while, so out of sight, out of mind.
Then it came down and made its presence known. And it circled around. And Quebec lady #2 made noise to make it go away. While people were watching the movie, of course.
And it howled and cried at the door of the board room, wanting to be let in.
Oh, did I mention the meeting of extremely obnoxious ladies? Like the creme de la creme of the nastiest, bitchiest, loudest ladies? I'll give them a little plug but you have to make the effort to go check them out because I don't like them, I just like their cause. They are Girly Girl Parts, a non profit dedicated to Ovarian Cancer.
But they are not Girly Girl girls. They are Nasty, Loud, Overbleached Bitches.
Before Quebec lady #1 was offended, these two BROADS walked in and talked in full voice about their meeting and they were sure there was a meeting and where was the meeting and meeting, meeting, meeting. We go them into the board room and then their comrades arrived. And arrived. And arrived, for the whole 2 hours I was there. They just kept coming. They brought food. They made noise. They opened the door 50 times. All while we were watching the movie.
And then the cat wanted in, so they let it in.
And then they let it out.
And then I let it outside.
And then Quebec lady #2 said "I have to go, where is that cat? I can't take this anymore, my allergies....I'm all (waving hands)..."
"Oh, I said, I put it outside" and looked down to see that the cat was BACK INSIDE, wandering between us.
So, I took the cat outside but Quebec lady #2 had to leave anyway because she was all "..."
Then the executive director came back in from the parking lot and asked if I knew that a lady was coughing up a storm out in the parking lot.
"Why, yes," I said, "she is very mad about the CAT and it got her allergies all "..." and she LEFT BECAUSE SHE'S mad!"
I am the biggest fan of animals. But I know that many people are not. And some have make believe issues with animals when they hear that there is one.
And you can be sure that this latest addition isn't going to sit well with the people who frequent the Center.
So it's curtains for that cat, I believe.
And I think I might have to show a cartoon next time. If there is a next time.
**people who were able to remain for the duration of the film really liked it. Even Quebec lady #3 who is now trying to disassociate herself from #1 so don't think she is a prude.
It seems there is no story I can tell you here that doesn't require some sort of back story.
In 2007, I began a French group for adults. After teaching for many years with no connections to anyone who speaks French, I decided it was time to start a group where people who actually speak French can get together and do just that, once a month.
I had visions of chic, interesting people who visit French speaking places often. People who know what they are doing when they open their mouths to speak French. People who would pair up and go out for cafe on a regular basis and eat baguettes chez each other and maybe even organize a trip to Paris.
4 years later, I still host this group once a month. We meet at the Cultural Center. After some trial and error, I determined that the most successful evenings were the evenings I showed a movie or we had a potluck dinner. Not being one to change things that work, I alternate a movie or potluck month after month.
And I get all of the lunatics who live in the area. Anyone who thinks they might have once spoken French comes. Most figure out right away that they do actually have to speak French and they won't come back. Sadly, a few still come though they can't say much and they spend the whole evening apologizing that they can't speak French. I even removed one guy from my email list, didn't tell him, and last month he reappeared as the guest of someone new!
For the most part, those who come regularly speak very well, some better than I do, and there is a core group that has a really good time. They are doing what I wanted people to do when I first created the group: they are connecting, making friendships and coming regularly.
Then there are the very old ladies whose parents came from Quebec. These ladies are very cute and their French is nearly impossible to understand because a) they are old so they don't speak clearly, b) they have spoken English most of their lives so they speak a mix of franglais and words I am pretty sure they just completely make up and c) they speak with the rural Quebec accent that is pretty hard to decipher. There are 3 of them and they are cute and I love it when they come because they occupy each other.
Because that's what this has become. It's yet another facet of my life where I have to worry about what everyone else is thinking and if they are comfortable and tell them where to find what they need and listen to what I could do to make it better.
So much for speaking lots of French with hip, cool people who really inspire me to organize trips and keep speaking le français.
But, I do make a little money, so it is worth it and sometimes it provides me with good stories.
So, do you get what we do?
Now, last night was a movie night. I usually pick my movies from Netflix because they have really up to date French movies and I get them early, watch them and then hold onto them until I am ready to show them.
I always preview the movies after the Chocolat incident. I was told that Johnny Depp speaks French in the movie. I didn't realize they meant he speaks a word or two but it's an American movie. DUH. Never again will I show a movie without watching!
So, I found this movie Le Nom des Gens that I thought was pretty funny. It's recent, it's clear (sometimes French movies are dark), the sound is good (sometimes they are too quiet) and I was laughing for most of the movie.
One has to be ever so careful with French movies because there are often scenes with nudity that just don't make sense to our prudish American eyes. Like why is everyone else completely dressed but a woman just walked through the room naked?
This movie has nudity and sexual themes, but when I watched it, I thought it was tame enough. I thought maybe people would hold their breath a little, but the entertainment factor of the funny parts would make it all ok.
Did I mention the average age of the attendees might be like 65? On a good night? I'm always the youngest and there's always someone pushing 80 and lots of people around the half century mark.
Still, I thought maybe the nudity wouldn't be a problem.
But, I guess it was. One woman left, so mad that she slammed her bottle into the trash, told me the movie is DISGUSTING and she is "really upset". It was one of the cute Quebec ladies.
I guess it was the scene where the girl is stark naked,with boots, wandering around Paris while on her phone. And we see everything. But it's funny because she got distracted and rushed out to buy a present and that's why she's naked.
Yeah Quebec lady #1 didn't find it funny.
Oh, did I mention the cat?
When I walked into the Cultural Center, I thought I heard someone say "do you have a cat in there?" and I thought I heard meowing. Since the person talking is in charge of the boutique, I was sure she meant she was looking for a wooden cat, or a stuffed cat, or a picture of a cat.
But no, there was a really pretty cat wandering around. They said it's been there off and on for a while. And they feed it. And it's the most friendly thing I've ever seen.
But it howls to get your attention. It does that fake sounding meow that you think is someone pretending to be a cat. Not a high pitched meow like that cat on marry Tyler Moore's opening. (or was it the closing?)
I thought "Hmm, this might not go over too well if this cat meows all night" but then I thought it would be let out. Or that someone's lap would entice it. Or that the movie would overpower the meowing.
I did casually mention to a few people that there is a cat. And then I told Quebec lady #2.
And she freaked. She said she has allergies. And I know she's been sick and hasn't come for a long time because of it. And we were so happy to see her tonight.
The cat was up in the office for a while, so out of sight, out of mind.
Then it came down and made its presence known. And it circled around. And Quebec lady #2 made noise to make it go away. While people were watching the movie, of course.
And it howled and cried at the door of the board room, wanting to be let in.
Oh, did I mention the meeting of extremely obnoxious ladies? Like the creme de la creme of the nastiest, bitchiest, loudest ladies? I'll give them a little plug but you have to make the effort to go check them out because I don't like them, I just like their cause. They are Girly Girl Parts, a non profit dedicated to Ovarian Cancer.
But they are not Girly Girl girls. They are Nasty, Loud, Overbleached Bitches.
Before Quebec lady #1 was offended, these two BROADS walked in and talked in full voice about their meeting and they were sure there was a meeting and where was the meeting and meeting, meeting, meeting. We go them into the board room and then their comrades arrived. And arrived. And arrived, for the whole 2 hours I was there. They just kept coming. They brought food. They made noise. They opened the door 50 times. All while we were watching the movie.
And then the cat wanted in, so they let it in.
And then they let it out.
And then I let it outside.
And then Quebec lady #2 said "I have to go, where is that cat? I can't take this anymore, my allergies....I'm all (waving hands)..."
"Oh, I said, I put it outside" and looked down to see that the cat was BACK INSIDE, wandering between us.
So, I took the cat outside but Quebec lady #2 had to leave anyway because she was all "..."
Then the executive director came back in from the parking lot and asked if I knew that a lady was coughing up a storm out in the parking lot.
"Why, yes," I said, "she is very mad about the CAT and it got her allergies all "..." and she LEFT BECAUSE SHE'S mad!"
I am the biggest fan of animals. But I know that many people are not. And some have make believe issues with animals when they hear that there is one.
And you can be sure that this latest addition isn't going to sit well with the people who frequent the Center.
So it's curtains for that cat, I believe.
And I think I might have to show a cartoon next time. If there is a next time.
**people who were able to remain for the duration of the film really liked it. Even Quebec lady #3 who is now trying to disassociate herself from #1 so don't think she is a prude.
Showing Naked Videos
Ha ha, just kidding. But this is what the school district must think we will do because they have to block YOUTUBE at school. Do you know how many great things there are that we could show on youtube?
There's a way to get around it and the technology people will give us the special code to do it, but it's a pain in the ass.
And I might be tempted to commit evil with it, what with it being a secret code and all.
So, my post was going to be about teachertube.com and what a lameass site that is. It's like what you picture when you think of teachers posting 'appropriate" materials online.
Think homemade.
Think super cheesy.
Think made in the classroom.
Boring.
But then I found this. And I was impressed. And I have to confess that I might have learned some things. And I still don't know about some of these things they name. I guess I am not a true American. Or yeah, maybe because I wasn't alive in 1950, I might be exempt.
I went to a Billy Joel concert in Nashville in 1995 and he had a binder open when he sang it and he said he always has to have the lyrics there to this one song because they are so dense and he is afraid he might miss one.
I feel his pain. I once forgot the words to the National Anthem.
In a crowded gym.
When I was singing alone.
There's a way to get around it and the technology people will give us the special code to do it, but it's a pain in the ass.
And I might be tempted to commit evil with it, what with it being a secret code and all.
So, my post was going to be about teachertube.com and what a lameass site that is. It's like what you picture when you think of teachers posting 'appropriate" materials online.
Think homemade.
Think super cheesy.
Think made in the classroom.
Boring.
But then I found this. And I was impressed. And I have to confess that I might have learned some things. And I still don't know about some of these things they name. I guess I am not a true American. Or yeah, maybe because I wasn't alive in 1950, I might be exempt.
I went to a Billy Joel concert in Nashville in 1995 and he had a binder open when he sang it and he said he always has to have the lyrics there to this one song because they are so dense and he is afraid he might miss one.
I feel his pain. I once forgot the words to the National Anthem.
In a crowded gym.
When I was singing alone.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Swearing on the Bus
The other day, I posted about not understanding parents who sit at bus stops with their kids. Your comments have made me think, but I still think it's odd that people who are pressed for time will sit with their kids at the bus stop instead of just driving them in to school.
I did a lia sophia party for a bunch of mothers the other day, many of whom I went to school with, and the discussion about buses came up. Most of them will not let their kids ride the bus because, as one mother said "Every bad thing I ever learned, I learned on the BUS!"
Other mothers agreed. They started talking about scary kids at the bus stop and getting beaten up.
One said her 1st grader told her there was penis and vagina talk the other day on the bus, so she doesn't get to ride it that often.
We didn't have the option of riding a bus until I was in 6th grade, so I only had a few years of bus riding. And it was like 10 minutes. And I usually sat at the front because I liked the heater on my feet. We didn't have kids in the neighborhood to learn penis and vagina talk from. So I never learned bad tricks on the bus.
Except once. We had some field trip somewhere. And this boy got a can of Lysol and a lighter and was spraying and lighting it on the bus. I knew it was dangerous, we all did, and very bad. It was the back of the bus. There were teachers on the bus. I can't imagine how on earth the teachers didn't notice. I know my bloodhound nose would most certainly smell Lysol and smoke!
So, do you keep your kids from riding the bus because of your own experience? Because of things you've heard go on on the bus? Or do you figure it's part of life and let them deal with it themselves?
I did a lia sophia party for a bunch of mothers the other day, many of whom I went to school with, and the discussion about buses came up. Most of them will not let their kids ride the bus because, as one mother said "Every bad thing I ever learned, I learned on the BUS!"
Other mothers agreed. They started talking about scary kids at the bus stop and getting beaten up.
One said her 1st grader told her there was penis and vagina talk the other day on the bus, so she doesn't get to ride it that often.
We didn't have the option of riding a bus until I was in 6th grade, so I only had a few years of bus riding. And it was like 10 minutes. And I usually sat at the front because I liked the heater on my feet. We didn't have kids in the neighborhood to learn penis and vagina talk from. So I never learned bad tricks on the bus.
Except once. We had some field trip somewhere. And this boy got a can of Lysol and a lighter and was spraying and lighting it on the bus. I knew it was dangerous, we all did, and very bad. It was the back of the bus. There were teachers on the bus. I can't imagine how on earth the teachers didn't notice. I know my bloodhound nose would most certainly smell Lysol and smoke!
So, do you keep your kids from riding the bus because of your own experience? Because of things you've heard go on on the bus? Or do you figure it's part of life and let them deal with it themselves?
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