Tuesday, February 15, 2011

How Girl Scouts Let Me Down

I used to LOVE Girl Scout cookies.  Thin Mints are pure crack, and the only Girl Scout cookie I would ever give the pleasure of being eaten by yours truly.  My family ferreted them away in the freezer, only to be eaten occasionally and only a few at a time.

When I became old enough to buy my own, I was appalled at the price.  $3 for a box????  Granted, they seemed to be $3 a box for a very long time, but I'm a little frugal, so that was a ton of money for me to fork over.  Especially since k-ster wasn't required to meter out his supply of Thin Mints when he was a kid, so he could eat an entire sleeve and not know they were gone.

Let me tell you now, I was never a girl scout.  I always wanted to be a girl scout, but for some reason, we were not scouts in my family.  I would have loved to have earned all of those badges and camp and do all of that stuff. I'm sure my mother knew that and did not want even more craft projects all over the house and she could only tolerate so much baking.   I now have to live vicariously through my friends who were girl scouts.  I've learned about sit upons, how to make papier mache Snoopy, all about the many sleep overs and camping nights created by girl scouts.  Notice I have dropped the capital letters in girl scouts.  You will soon see why.  S-ster, if you are ready this, keep your mouth closed.

It was not until I was about 30 that I learned the truth about girl scout cookies.  Do not laugh.  I am highly educated.   I am not naive.  But remember, I was not a girl scout, so I never learned.  I want to share this with you now, so that you never accidentally reveal, in public, that you didn't know this either.  I'm not embarrassed to tell you that I thought this.  This is what education is.  We think things, we learn we are wrong, and then we tell everyone we know, so they are wise like us.

Girl scout cookies are not made by girl  scouts!!!

I know that current, little girl scouts are not out there creating the cookies that we eat, but I thought that as the girl scouts grew older, some just couldn't leave the scouthood, so they got to go on to be the cookie makers at the girl scout cookie factory.  I thought that there was a factory in like Wisconsin (I don't know why) where all of the fat, old, unmarried adult girl scouts who can sew and cook like magicians but seem to have no husbands, were now working in the factory.  Thereby creating authentic girl scout cookies.  They stand around, in their girl scout uniforms, baking cookies like it's their job.  Because it is.

You cannot imagine my shock and disappointment.  What do you mean they are probably processed in China?  What do you mean you don't have to have been a girl scout to make them??  Are you kidding me?

I assure you I have not bought a singly box since.  Not even when I've been attacked by little girl scouts who think they are so cute at the grocery store.  Nope.  Not gonna do it.  Ever again.


  1. You are stronger than I. I'm still going to buy them. I won't tell anyone if you do too.

  2. No silly, they're made FROM Girl Scouts.

    The little girls who failed to get their badges, failed to make pretty crafts for the nursing homes, fell asleep first during those lock ins are chopped up into little pieces..

    No? Huh. Now I'm disappointed too.

    (Thanks for the comment)

  3. Bwahahahaha!!!!

    Did you really think that?


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