Monday, February 21, 2011

More Letters to Inanimate Objects

Dear Sun,

Hey, you did a pretty good job here.

Appreciating the Pretty Scene

Dear Winter,

Seriously?  We're doing this again?  I know it's February and it's totally within your rights to snow, but after nearly 50 degrees the other day, I thought we might be done by now.  But it sounds like this will just be inconvenience.  No money to be made snowblowing.  Just more wet on the ground.  From here on, it's full on snow or nothing.  Got it?

Muddy Driverway and Angry Carpet

Dear DirecTV,

How sweet you were when Comcast was really pissing me off, charging a little more each month for the same thing.  We got so many great channels for so little. And the only thing I didn't like was when we had a severe storm, we might lose reception.

Then my year was up, and the price went up.  I was OK with that because I bundled you with Verizon and I understood that the good deal was just for the first year.  But then you went up a little more.  And now I'm paying more than I was with Comcast for seemingly fewer channels because you sometimes remove channels we like.  I'm not interested in moving up to the next expensive level.  And I don't appreciate that when I call and tell you about deals I see, you tell me I can't have them.  When I remind you that I have been a customer for a while, you try to butter me up with free Showtime.

Let's talk about why Showtime is stupid.  You show old movies.  You show movies no one has ever heard of.  You show the same movies over and over and over.  Same stupid, old, unknown movies.  On many multiple Showtime channels.  I would never ever ever actually pay for Showtime.  And there is nothing I hate more than k-ster flipping channels.  Now you've given him more channels to flip through with the most stupid ass movies we've ever seen.  And the worst part?  He won't watch a movie from start to finish if it's on Showtime.  Oh no, he has to start it somewhere after the beginning and then change it partway through.

So, you can take your free 2 months of Showtime and shove it.  I'm mad that the only way I can get a good monthly deal is if I cancel and pretend I'm someone else with a new subscription.  Way to go to show your appreciation for my loyalty.

Spinning Eyeballs From Flipping Channels


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