Saturday, January 11, 2014

Short in the Trunk

K-ster doesn't like the word trunk when it refers to the torso.  I think it's a funny word and definitely a strange one to use for the middle of your body.

Sadly, I have a short trunk.  My legs and arms are long enough that petite clothes don't fit, but my torso is like 6 inches long, so there are always issue with tops.  And pants.

Or, there were problems with pants, until the day someone invented the low rise pant.  OMG.  That was my saving grace for the past decade.  Even those super short waisted pants that exposed everyone's muffin tops and more were perfect for me.

I was made for the 2.5 inch zipper.

Pants that fit below or on the hipbones instead of coming right up to the bottom of my bra? 

Yes, please!

I was so happy when even stores like Land's End and LLBean (the mom jean capitals if ever there were any)  finally added an option for pants to be below the natural waist for us short ladies.

I am sad that all jeans since about 2003 have had the "erased" look on the butt and thighs and I refuse to buy them.  It limits my choices severely.  I have never seen a trend last so long.  I was sure it would be gone by  now but it's still out there and look so trashy!  So many times, I find just the right color and when I open them, the thighs and butt look about 10 years older than the rest of the pants.

I thought we had advanced enough in fashion to say goodbye forever to the Lori Loughlin/Candance Cameron high jeans from the Full House Days. 

Remember in those 80s shows how anyone who was a dancer had to wear really weird clothes, even when they weren't dancing?  Like Jessie from Saved By the Bell who had those super high waisted jeans. 

Or all the girls on the Cosby Show.  Those pants had high waists and lots of extra things going on at the waist.

I shudder at the fact that I had the most bizarre pair of navy blue pants in high school.  They were not too high in the waist, but high enough and then the top folded back down and made some sort of a triangular type thing.  I'm not talking about yoga  pants that are made of stretch material and are meant to fold back down because it makes you look thinner.  I'm talking about material like khaki pants that folded back down.

It was almost like wearing a tutu of cotton material.

I know you're jealous that you didn't have a pair too.  Or maybe you wish you could find yours and send me a picture because google has no idea what I'm talking about and can't produce the right picture for me.

And I paired them with a pale yellow shirt that had little objects on it.  I hated the shirt and I knew it looked back on me but I kept wearing it.  I might have worn that outfit for my entire sophomore year.

I tell you all this because today, I was in TJMaxx and saw a sign that said "the sexy high waist jean".  Cue the needle across the record.  I actually stopped right in my tracks, jaw on the floor and had to look at every pair on the rack to confirm that indeed, they were sky high waists.

And in no way sexy.

And then I just laughed and laughed.  And no one was nearby to share it with me.  So I laughed some more and ran far away.

I came and googled the high waisted pants and lo and behold, they're baaaaaaaaaack.  And they're being sold as "sexy".

Wow, imagine the longest car ride of your life, you have to go to the bathroom, you finally get to a rest area.... And then you have to unbutton all of this.  Notice how it's definitely not a picture from the 80s/90s because she has a tattoo on her waist!

This is a fabulous image of the "erased" jeans that I hate so much AND a high waist. 

You can't get much better than that. 

Oh wait, yes you can. Gosh, don't these shorts just look so comfortable?  Perfect for playing tennis, riding a bike, working in the garden, being Baby in Dirty Dancing....
And I have saved the absolute best for last.

Acid washed AND skinny AND high waisted?  Hello 1980, 1990, 2000 and 2014!  Didn't think they could put 4 decades in one pair of pants.

 Wow, lime green right up to the eyeballs.  Pair them with high tops and NKOTB is back in action.

Really?  My eyes actually shut down, never to be opened again.

Notice all but the shorts are shown with no tops on?  What do you wear with a high waisted pair of jeans?  Does this mean the crop top is coming back?  Or will we tuck shirts into those high waists?

Given the height of these jeans picture, I could just top them with a bra and be completely covered.


Linking here:


  1. LOL, I am short in the trunk, too and my pants come up way too high sometimes, too. But I am short in general. I am only 5'2".

  2. OMG Kill me now! LOL. I too am short-waisted but I'm 5'7" so I've spent the majority of my life in ill-fitting jeans. I spent my youth with the entire top band of my jeans unbuttoned and folded inside! Thanks for the memories (and the warning)!


I love comments almost as much as I love summer. I reply to all comments except those ridiculous anonymous comments offering me dirty deeds and real estate. When you leave your comment, please make sure your own settings will allow me to reply to you. Nothing makes me sadder than replying to your comments and then realizing it’s going to the no-reply@blogger address!