Thursday, May 17, 2012

L'Eggs Eggs and Legs and Legs

Remember L'eggs Eggs?  The pantyhose that came in the plastic egg?  When I was little, I remember there being no end to the wall of pantyhose (another word I don't like because, you guessed it, it has the word PANTY in it) at the grocery store or the drugstore.  Remember that?

I used to wear pantyhose.  Once I was in high school I seemed to think it was like a requirement with any skirt. I think all the girls did.  I never found L'eggs Eggs to be anything worth buying though.  I worked at CVS in high school and the CVS brand that came in a package was always wonderful, to me.  And it was cheaper.  And I swore they fit me better.

Off I went to college with a bag full of CVS brand nylons.  And I wore them.  And I wasn't the only one.

And then one day, I can't even tell you when, I stopped wearing them.  And I stopped wearing them for so long that today, I almost throw up at the thought of having to put them on.  For so many reasons.

I don't like to be tied into hosiery of any kind.    In ballet, I would cut out part of the foot so I could roll it up to my ankle and be free but then roll them back down for recitals so I wouldn't have to buy a new pair.  I don't know how I ever convinced myself that wearing nylons or tights was comfortable.  Something about just having the foot free makes wearing anything tight bearable.  So leggings are fine.  But add a confined foot and it's all over.

Now I only wear them if there is a penalty involved if I don't wear them.  This means I don't wear a skirt for most of the winter.  And no one seems to care.

The whole reason I bring up this topic is this.

No, it's not because of that creepy guy looking at me from the nylons section (who is he and why is he looking at me as I look at nylons????)

It's because I was in the grocery the other day and this meager sampling is the entire offering of hosiery at today's grocery store!  That's it.  Hardly a whole display, let alone a whole wall!  And some of that stuff is socks. And not a L'egg to be found!  So really, there are like 2 brands of nylons you can buy today.

What does this mean for human kind?  What does it mean when my girl students are 12, 13, 14 and have never, not once in their lives donned a pair of tights or nylons?

It probably means a happier generation of women who:

-have never had to fear causing a run in their hose

-have never carried around clear nail polish to stop said run

-have never brought a pair of nylons up to their knees and known they were never going all the way up, no matter how hard they pull, queen size on a size 2 body or not (really, am i alone in this?)

-have never been in a rush and put their thumb right through the "panty" area of the pantyhose as they were trying to scrunch it all up so they could then pull them all up

-have never felt that cool breeze that is even colder than the actual air because nylons have this weird way of making their own cool breezes

-have never been walking and felt their nylons slipping down at a rapid pace until the crotch is below the hemline

-have never accidentally bought control top pantyhose and realized their hem line was above the control top bottom

-have actually had to shave their legs or suck it up and wear pants

-have never had the joy of standing up, only to have the waistline roll right down to the widest part of their hips

and most of all...

-have never tried to match their skin tone to that crazy color that comes in the "natural" or "neutral" package that would only match the skin of a doll

and really most of all...

-have never had to utter the word "pantyhose"

We've probably created a generation of gloriously free women, not forcing these girls to wear such confining 'stockings".

And ladies over 50, don't get me started about how good we have it because back in your day, you had to wear garters and the material was like cardboard, etc., etc.  None of them feel good at the end of the day.  None.

Linking up with the Finding the Funny ladies and Saturday Laughs.  Go see who else will make you laugh!


  1. You are hilarious. New favorite blog. I found the funny!

  2. I don't like the no panty hose trend. I blame it on katie Couric. What am I to do in the winter? It's not like I'm going to wear shorts, so why would I wear a skirt with no leg coverings. I still wear them occasionally, and have also noticed the slim pickings at the store.

  3. I hate hose. Just hate them. Do you know they make ballet tights now so the kids can roll the toes just exactly like you describe without tearing the tights up? Do you know why I know this? Because I have not one but TWO ballet lovers in this house, and one of them is my son. Now, boys are NOT required to wear tights at his ballet studio, but he DEMANDS them. Sheeeesh. Can't win. When I do have to fake it and wear a hateful skirt to a formal occasion, I go for thigh highs or knee highs depending on skirt length.

  4. This is hysterical! I forgot all about L'eggs! And seriously, what is up with that dude in nylon aisle?!

  5. Bawaaa!!! The good old L'eggss!!! You are hysterical my friend!!!


I love comments almost as much as I love summer. I reply to all comments except those ridiculous anonymous comments offering me dirty deeds and real estate. When you leave your comment, please make sure your own settings will allow me to reply to you. Nothing makes me sadder than replying to your comments and then realizing it’s going to the no-reply@blogger address!