Sunday, January 13, 2013

It Must Have Been Love, But It's Over Now

When I first brought you home, I was madly in love. 

Everything went so smoothly with your delivery.

I knew I had a deal that money just could not buy.

No longer would we have to feel the bare bones of the old couch, k-ster and I.  No, now we would know the luxury of a couch with many pieces.  Pieces that could be arranged in whatever configuration we so chose.  We so chose this one  because it fit the room best:

I remember so foolishly thinking we would move the ottoman back to that special corner every morning so the room would look neat and tidy.  We couldn't leave it like this all the time because we can't get by the ottoman to get to the bedroom.  It's on wheels, so I thought it would be no big deal to wheel it around every day.


Little did I know that in two years's time, you'd be such a mess.  You're a catch all.  No one really moves the ottoman, so it's really just in the way all the time.  And the ottoman is the biggest catchall of all.  At any given time there is yarn, a project underway, knitting needles and/or crochet hooks, magazines, you name it.
You're a wrinkly, sagging mess.  Your pillows are losing their shape and are more like blobs on the couch.


Where you used to fit together so nicely, you're a fat, ugly mess.  Look, you can't even get your feet together, your thighs are so fat.
Look at that bulge. You should be ashamed, just sticking your foam all out like that, where once, there was a sleek, smooth line.

And now, we've had to resort to "enhancements".  You can't even get the job done yourownself.  In order to make ourselves comfortable, we have to use pillows salvaged from the couch that will forever remain known as "the best couch ever."
Basically?  You suck and I can't wait until I can throw you out and start over.


  1. New follower from the Let's Get Social Sunday link-up. We got a couch from my FIL when he got a new one. This old couch had been in his home for years. Five people, 1 cat, 1 dog and 6 rowdy puppies later ... it basicallly SUCKS too. *sigh* :O)

  2. Awe, it gave you the best years of it's life and still 'hanging' in there! Just call it old faithful!

  3. Less than 2 years was the best years of its life??? Not feeling any sadness for this couch, I have to say. Just for my wallet. We got over a decade out of the first couch and still have some of the pillows! And I paid a lot less for that one!

  4. We purchased a smallish black couch from the Ikea 'as is' room when I was 5 months pregnant with my son. I wasn't crazy about the black sofa, but the price was right and I was DESPERATE to replace my husband's early 90's Aztec print bachelor couch. WELL....3 years into's COVERED in weird stains. Yes, stains on a black couch. I hate it. I cannot wait to get another one but have come to terms with the fact that we should probably wait until we are done with little children before investing in something else that's just going to be peed and spilled on....


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