I was not blessed with hair that will stop traffic as I swing it around.
Instead, my hair looks good for about 3.5 seconds after it air dries and then within an hour of actually living, it's flat and touches me and up it goes. I am not a user of "products" because I find that they make my hair look and feel dirty, no matter what I do.
The only traffic my hair stop is because people have to do a double take to see if it's really Cousin It under that mess when it's down.
It's never a stunning result.
For example, for my sister a-ster's wedding, I thought it would be nice to have my hair done, so I went to a salon she loves. I went with day old hair and the guy judged it too slippery, so he had to "dirty it up" with lots of stuff. For most people, that's all you need to do and then you can sculpt into whatever perfection you want.
The look on his face after several minutes of "dirtying it up" said everything. His hands looked as though he was massaging dog crap into my hair and his face gave the same, sad message. He decided to wash it and start over. And it went downhill from there.
I wasn't at all impressed with the final product and it looks very mousy in the pictures. Definitely something I could have just done myself, without 450 pins. Not his fault, but I was pretty irritated as I wrote his check.
A similar thing happened for another wedding I was in years before that.
I've given up on getting a fabulous 'do.
Anyhairdo, I go through phases where I have amazing hair with a certain shampoo and then my hair gets tired of it and it's just hohum.
When I first started using the tangerine one, I had the most fabulous hair. I wash my hair at night and in the morning, the effects were marvelous. It looked thick and full and pretty. And it even felt thick.
But I still couldn't wear it down because it wouldn't stay fabulous for long.
Recently, I've noticed that my hair's feeling dry and the tangerine version isn't making my hair happy at all. I tried a free sample of the same brand but a different type and that was disastrous, twice. We're in humid weather right now, so anything that is supposed to moisturize in a thick way is just asking for nasty hair. Conditioner asks for the same thing.
On the free sample card was a coupon for $1 off any Giovanni hair product. I saw that they had a version for dry hair, so I planned to get some.
I was tickled when I saw that Stop and Shop carries it because I can get my gas points and it's the same price as it is at Whole Foods. And I can have $1 off. And I don't have to drive 10 miles to get it.
So, off I went to do my shopping and I remembered to bring along the coupon. It was one of those thick things like posterboard and really big, so I couldn't forget to use it.
When I go to Stop and Shop, I use the self scanning guns that you get as you walk in. Giant has them too. They are a lifesaver. I speed through so fast, pack my bags as I go and don't have to deal with the cashier throwing my stuff around and bruising my produce.
It's amazing how much time it saves and when I go to a grocery store that doesn't have one I feel like I might spend the rest of my life there, putting things in the cart and then putting them on the belt for the cashier and then putting them back in the cart. With the scan gun, you scan, put it in the bag and you're done.
Unless you're up for an audit, which is irritating because it slows you down a little, but I still think it's worth it overall.
When I buy produce, I weight it and then print the sticker and I always stick the sticker on something in case I get audited. That way, it proves that I did weigh and scan it and it saves time having to weigh it again. I usually stick them on the plastic bag of the produce I'm buying. Or, I'll put them on the back of my shopping list.
Always a method to my madness.
So, as I shopped the other night, I bought produce and put the stickers on the back of the huge coupon since I got several things and none of them had plastic bags. The coupon is the last thing to go through when you check out, so I thought that was a good place to stick them.
One of the vegetables I bought was an avocado, which was on sale.
As I sped through my shopping, thinking 8pm is the best time ever to visit the grocery and why don't I do that all the time because no one is there, I gave myself a high five for remembering to get the shampoo.
When I got to the checkout, I scanned my gun and then my card. So excited not to have an audit this time!
I scanned my coupons and then it was time for the big kahona. That shampoo coupon was really big and thick and I'd have to fold it to go into the coupon slot. I was afraid it might not actually go in and then I'd have to call the girl over.
As I scanned the coupon, the machine told me to place my item on the belt. What? That's not how you do coupons. Usually, you "place it in the slot near the blinking light." But the belt was spinning and she was impatiently telling me to "place the item on the belt".
And, it was taking off $2! I was saving $2 on my avocado shampoo! And getting gas points WHooooo hooooo. I love the grocery store at 8pm!
I was really worried that the coupon wasn't going to fit and jam up the whole works.
So, I quickly fished around for my shampoo and "placed it on the belt".
And was really confused by the procedure because she didn't direct me to "place the coupon in the slot".
And then I realized.
I was so worried about the girth of my coupon, had rescanned the avocado sticker. The one on the BACK of my coupon for the avocado shampoo! It was $2 but on sale and I didn't notice the sale price until I started looking at the screen.
So, it didn't take $2 off, it added another avocado!
And I laughed. And then had a .3 second debate about whether to tell the girl of my foolishness or just pay the price for my foolishness.
But no, I went there to save $1 and by God, I was going to save $1.
And of course, the girl is one of my students.
I explained to her what I had done, laughing like a madwoman, trying to explain about the avocado sticker and the avocado shampoo. Cackling.
She laughed and took off the second avocado but I'm not sure she really believed me.
And then I made her stay as I babbled about how the coupon is so thick and blah blah blah, will it going in slot, blah blah so she stood and watched. And it went in just fine.
And she walked away shaking her head at my ineptitude, thinking "they'll let anyone teach, won't they?"
Did you link up your smiles yet?