Arachnophobia? Look No Further

WARNING:  As the title suggests, the theme of this post is spiders which means I might describe said creatures in vivid detail and include pictures.  I am not responsible for the outrageous behavior this might induce.  There is also a picture of my leg, but that shouldn't cause too much fear.

I am a pretty strong gal.  I am not afraid of a lot of things.  But when it comes to bugs, I am nothing but a chicken.  I become a shrieking little girl when bugs are where they should not be and I embarrass myself with the shrieking.  Recently, we had one of those giant things that look like mosquitoes gone VERY wrong, like a daddy longlegs with a huge beak like a mosquito and they fly. I think I read somewhere that they can't even bite and they die before they ever get a chance to even eat but they are food for something.  This does not matter, when one is near me.  And we had one in the house.  I went right into orbit and k-ster got up to actually kill it.  Until it landed on or near me and I hid under a blanket and went crazy.  And he assured me it fell behind the couch, dead.  However, the next evening, out of NOWHERE it resurrected itself and flew up right behind me, grazed me head and carried on.  I am surprised you didn't hear the shrieking where you live.

So yesterday, I was in the bathroom, the one we call the cat's bathroom because her litter box is there.  There isn't a door, just a curtain.  After I happily went to the bathroom, flushed and got ready to leave, I saw it.  What, you don't see it?  That's because this is what it looks like when there is no spider there.  But see where the arrow is pointing?  See how close it is to where I will have to push back the curtain so I can get out of there? If ever there was a time I wish I'd had my phone to take a picture and to call for help, that was it.

So, I tried climbing out the window.

 I'm not kidding.  I was that upset over it.  But, the window is pretty small and I was worried I might break the storm window we just so painstakingly put back on.  Or that i might actually hurt myself over a stupid spider.  And I had no shoes or pants on at the time.  And I thought if I broke my leg, or killed myself on the propane tank that was there, it would be pretty ridiculous to find out it was just because I wouldn't deal with a spider.

I know, why didn't I just kill it? Well, the only instrument of torture was a paintbrush.  And when a spider is this big, it's hard to think a  paintbrush might kill it.


So, I did the only logical thing.  I stood there for a few minutes, fairly vibrating with the horror.  I tried the window again.  I looked to see what I might really kill it with.  I wished k-ster would come home and help me.

And then I sucked it up and used the paintbrush to move the curtain.  And every time I did, the thing would move a leg.  I figured if I got it open like 5 inches, I could slither out and get the vacuum and be done with it.  And I got out.  And ran right for the vacuum and put on some shoes because you cannot fight a spider with no shoes. 


But no pants seemed to still be fine.

On the way back to the bathroom, I had two thoughts.  How would I get the vacuum nozzle around the curtain to get the damned thing?  And should I just go outside with the vacuum and stick the hose through the window and suck it in that way?  I decided on plan A but when I got back to the curtain, I quickly realized I could not stick the nozzle in and back and suck it out without potentially knocking it onto the floor and then it would be all over.  I could see its nasty body through the curtain and it hadn't moved.  I stood there, vacuuming the floor while I thought about it and decided to screw it.  It could just climb down and eat me later that night, but I was not going to stick my hand back in that room.

Went I went outside, yes I had pants on by then, k-ster had come home and he came in and took care of it.  I know he thinks I'm nuts.  I don't know how he got that nozzle around the corner to kill it but he did and he's my hero. 

I know you think it was like that big. But really, it was like this.  And I don't care who you are, nothing with thick legs like that and that nasty coloring should be on such a pretty curtain inside your house.  It would have held you hostage too.  And according to the site where I found it, it's called a fishing spider and is a meat eater that can glide on water.  This makes sense.  We've had a lot of rain and when I have found spiders like this, or their nasty darker cousins, they always seem to be near water sources.  I have had the pleasure of finding a couple of them in my shower a time or two and they always have the same effect but at least then I can soak them in hot water until they die. 

We have a dirt cellar, that currently is pretty wet because of the rain, and they like to hang out down there.  I know there are others waiting to show up where they don't belong.  I just can't deal with spiders. But I can look at pictures and not freak out, so how is that possible?

This has been very traumatizing for me, reliving the ordeal, so I must retire to my boudoir.  I'm linking up here though.