Saturday, October 30, 2010

Getting My Panties In a Bunch

Yep, underwear.  First, I will not call them panties.  I hate that word.  I love the British word knickers, but that doesn't work around here.  Underpants makes me squirm just as much as panties.  So underwear, it is.  Why the picture of my glorious underthings floating in the breeze?  I'm having a world shattering underwear crisis.  Not unlike jeans and shoes, underwear is now becoming my nemesis because nothing exists that fits the way I want, in a price range I think is reasonable.

There are a few in the line-up that I kind of like.  But they are from Victoria's Secret and they are not cheap.  But they are kind of cheaply made and I seem to be going through them like water.  I keep  making holes in my underwear in the strangest place.  Not on a seam, but right in the front.  It can't be the washer because then all of my clothes would be ripped.  And I haven't gained weight, so it's not like I'm busting out of them.  I just make these weird holes. The material gets very thin only right there and then rips.  I had a thought recently that maybe it's from the zipper of my pants rubbing on it.  But it's not like I run around rubbing myself on things or running marathons in my regular pants, so I don't get it.

I used to love these really cheap things made by Rene Rafe.  You could get them at Filene's Basement for like 6.99 for 6 pair.  They were always by the checkout at the one here. Bikini briefs.  No thongs for me.  Sometimes they were solid, sometimes prints, but I always loved them.  Then our Filene's Basement closed and there isn't one close enough to bother.  And I can't find them ANYWHERE.  When I went to help my sister a-ster move in Maryland, we actually went out of our way to go to a Filene's Basement to get them!  (I really am desperate)  They had the brand but not the style.  The only style they had were grannie panties and I sure can't handle those yet.

My other sister e-ster was once near a Filene's Basement so she stopped and got some.  But though they were THE STYLE I wanted, they were strangely tight in the elastic.  I wear them, but not with anything that I would want to have panty lines show through(when would I ever want panty lines to show through?).

So I've tried others.  I've tried fancy names at Marshall's but those were ridiculous.  I've tried looking at K-Mart but they only have high briefs and the like.  I've looked at VS but they want like $5 per pair and that is highway robbery if there ever was such a thing.  I won't wear thongs, I don't love anything but cotton and I just want something normal.

So there I was in Benny's last week (kind of like a 5 and 10 with the strangest assortment of cheap things) and lo and behold there were some underwear I thought I would love.  They are boy shorts but I had a pair of those once and really liked them.  So, then I was stymied on the size.  I chose small rather than extra small which claimed it fit size 4-6.  I'm a 2-4 but sometimes feel bigger, so I thought these would be nice.  They are Hanes, 3 to a bag, very cheap.  Victory at last.  Until I tried to wear them.
WTF????  First, I took them out of the bag and they were HUGE.  So HUGE I was sure they would fall right down.  But then I tried them on and they were kind of roomy but not bad.  I figured maybe I'd wear them to bed.  And then I washed them.  Yes, they shrunk, but in weird places.  Like the elastic only!  They are big enough that they look like shorts (guess that's why they call them boy shorts).  My sister says they look like boxer briefs and basically, they do.  So, they have a seam up the front AND back with the roomiest crotch you will ever see.  I think I could wear them out in public as exercise shorts.  And they are 3 funky colors.  So, I wore them to bed.  But they are so weird I don't know that I can even wear them there.  I sure can't wear them under any pants or I will look like I am wearing depends.  I may have recently had a birthday, but not one that allows a person to wear depends yet!

So, I hope all of you advertisers who are sneaking into my blog will take pity on my sad state of naked crotch and send me samples to try out and report on.  I am so particular that if I can approve something, you know it will be good for the masses.


  1. LOL. I, too, hate calling them panties or underpants. Bloomers has a nice ring to it. Don't you think? But, like you, underwear is usually the word I end up with. I like the boy shorts for wearing to bed. And they aren't so bad under jeans unless your jeans are really tight. But, why not drive to the outlet by the Sagamore. They have a Hanes outlet there and I bet you'll find what you want. You might have to pay more than $1.36 a pair, but you'll probably find what you like. I hope you find out what's causing the holes. At my writing class the other day two women were talking about holes in those tissue t-shirts that everyone sells now. They got them in the front like that, too. One of them was theorizing that it was from the washing machine sucking them into the holes in the drum. Both of these women had the same washer. I think it's the zippers, though. Try wearing pull-up elasticized waist stretch pants. Good practice for when you do need Depends. :0)

  2. Right, those tissue tees do rip easily because they are so thin to begin with. But these underwear are made with the regular cotton thickness you'd expect and then they manage to wear themselves down to that tissue like material and then disappear completely. I like to pay no more than $3 per pair, and driving a total of 50 miles to do that seems ridiculous.

  3. I usually go with underwear as my term of choice. Panties sounds wrong...unless I'm saying panties n a wad.
    My fave are the seamless no show ones from victories secret but at ten dollars a pop, it really upsets me that they peel apart since they are held together by glue.
    I need ones that are comfy, sturdy, not freakishly low cut, not expensive, not thongs and are panty line less. Is this too much to ask for? Guessing so since they don't seem to exist.


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