Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Did Santa Bring You That Smell For Christmas?

Years ago, long before I had a blog and could see the potential humor and the need to grab my camera for blogfodder in such situations, I had an experience on Christmas that I will never forget.

We went to k-ster's mother's house for the usual Christmas morning routine, and when I came home, I walked all over the house picking up presents to bring to my parents' house.

As I went from room to room, I noticed there was an odd smell.  And it was in every room I walked through.  This house has two rooms in the front that connect by a "hallway" at the front door and both rooms open into the odd sized living room that has 7 doors off of it and makes decorating a bitch.  So, you can picture a "track" around that part of the house.  As I walked around the "track" getting things, doing things, I continued to smell the smell. 

And then I recognized that smell.

Dog. Crap.

And I had tracked it ALL.OVER.THE.HOUSE.


When I had the sudden realization that the smell was none other than canine crap, I looked down to see circles of where I had stepped in every room, multiple times.  Oh yeah, I ground that stuff right in to every carpet.  Made sure no room was left untouched. 

Makes you wonder why I wouldn't just put all of the presents under the tree, in one place, right?  I can't explain exactly what I was doing that day.  I think I was putting things away, possibly picking a few things up, I can't really remember. 

And the flashbacks....  I like to forget about it, really.  I only brought it up to link here.

So now, around Christmas noon, with my non clearning clothes on, I had to scrub every step I had made to erase the mother ****ing mess I had made.  I didn't know where to start. 

I will admit that for a moment, I thought "well, I'll just leave this until later, when I can really deal with it" but quickly realized what that would mean.  Burning the carpets on Christmas night wasn't really in the cards that year, so I got out the ammonia and scrubbed and scrubbed. 

I think I did have the carpet cleaner at that point, but it was winter and I thought the carpets would never dry.  Plus, did I really want all that dog crap sucked up into my carpet cleaner?

So, not having a dog, how did I get such a marvelous gift stuck on my shoe, you wonder?  K-ster's mother's dog Brandy (may she rest in happy dog heaven)  was not one to venture too far to go to the bathroom in the winter and I guess she thought going outside the door was OK.  Apparently I had stepped in it as I was leaving his mother's house and drove home with it on my shoe (a little was on my gas pedal but that was it because it was only my right shoe) and then "decorated" the house with it upon my arrival.


  1. There is nothing worse than that smell, except the realization that you tracked that smell all over the house. Yuck!

  2. I started really laughing when I read that you drove with it on your shoes, too. That is funny stuff! Thanks for linking this up with "Finding the Funny"! It was perfect! (By the way, miss being here. I am going to be a better reader from now on!)


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