Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I See Your Letters and Raise You One More

Last week, I went to the eye doctor for the first time in 5 years.  Five years???   I don't know how that happened.

I don't wear contacts and I have a vague prescription that I really only use in sunglasses, and my eyes didn't feel bad, so I just kept forgetting to call for an appointment.   I would get up, say "oh yeah, I have to call the eye doctor today" and then it would be evening and I wouldn't have remembered.

Even when I'd look out my classroom window and do this, I still would forget to call.

My sister told me about something weird with her eye, and when I got home, I saw the same thing in mine, and suddenly, I didn't forget to call.  I was sure they were going to need to remove my eyeball before it spread, so I needed to get in there right away and have it looked at.

I'm not a huge fan of the eye doctor that I see because he's kind of aloof and basically makes me feel like I don't really need to have glasses, so I am not as important as those who do need glasses.  This should make me do handsprings out the door because I don't need to shell out lots of cash for contacts and glasses.  Somehow, it doesn't.

I know, I can just go find another eye doctor, so I have no need to complain.

Between my lying dentist and my aloof eye doctor, you might think I live in some godforsaken place where we don't have choices in healthcare.  It's more like I'm too lazy to find someone else.

So, I sat in the chair and began telling him the letters and patterns I saw.  And then I got to that point where I'm never sure what I'm supposed to say.  When he asks me what the smallest row of letters is that I can see, am I supposed to work really hard to see those letters, or just glance and say "nope, too blurry, I'll go with the row that say D X Q Y S O".

I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO!

It's like the time I had a hearing test and kept hearing an irritating ringing sound that was veeeeeerrrrry far away and after like the 6th time, I realized that was the sound I was supposed to be listening for and I hadn't been raising my  hand!  I'm surprised I didn't get fitted with hearing aids right then!

People have to explain these things to me so I know what to do!

Being slightly competitive, I want to read the absolute bottom line on every chart.  It's just who I am.  So, it's like Name That Tune.  I work hard to read the fairly blurry one and guess at one or two and say things to myself like "I can read that line in 1 note".

And he mumbles, good good.  Then he adjusts the lenses and I see that the B was really an E and I want to smack him.  Not good good, you ass!  It's either right or wrong!  Tell me if I'm wrong so I know which line I'm supposed to read!  If you keep telling me my incorrect Bs are good, how will I ever know I'm only supposed to read the lines that I can actually read without working hard at it!

Then came the question about the weirdness in my eye.  Well, two weirdnesses, actually.  I have "fatty tissue" near my iris which he called cholesterol and then jumped right into "I don't mean you have high cholesterol, it's not really related to that at all" and that it's very normal.

Gross, is what it is.  It just makes my eyes look unclear, instead of bright.

And then, when I was examining them to determine if I have other eye diseases that might require removing the eyeball, I realized that there is a circle around each iris that looks like I'm wearing a contact but I don't wear contacts.  OMG, I thought.  This is that UV etching I've heard about.  Which is insane because I NEVER EVER go into the sun without my UV rated sunglasses, I don't spend a lot of time on the ocean and I have never looked into the sun.

But I was sure that's what it is.  He was going to offer me a prescription for the dread BlueBlockers and I'd only be allowed outside at night.

Nope, he claims everyone has it and it's where the white of the cornea starts to make the color of the iris.

I'm still skeptical.

So, basically, my eyes are fine, my prescription is a joke, and I have cholesterol sitting in the whites of my eyes.

None of this has anything to do with turning 39, right?

Linking here:
http://www.2justbyou.com

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