Monday, December 9, 2013

Clearly Language Is My Strength

It's that time of year.  The time of year when my voice drops down 2 octaves and it feels like a million knives in my throat from talking all day while trying to fight a cold.

I use the Cold Eeze.

I wash the desks with vinegar.

I refrain from licking any children.

I  never, ever eat anything they offer me.

I wouldn't eat without washing my hands if you paid me.

And yet, I still manage to get a cold around this time every year.  I fight it well.  I don't usually let it hang around for long, but the couple of days I have it are awful.  It makes me realize just how much energy it takes to live my life.

It started with a sore throat that made me a little nervous because it was kind of like the last time I had tonsilitis which was a while ago.  I don't get big sickness often,  but when I do, I do it right.  Tonsilitis, pharyngitis, any itis they can  name.

The sore throat of that nature went away and I'm pretty sure I don't have anything serious. Then it was just the hoarseness that comes with a cold.  I tried all day to keep talking to a minimum, never raising my voice.  This was fairly easy to do because I had planned something for this week that actually has them talking more than me.

But, by the last 3 classes today, my head hurt from talking, my voice was just about gone and the dry cough that does nothing but make me bend over and almost wet my pants from all the coughing had started.

On the way home, I stopped to get something that would loosen up my lungs and make a productive cough.  After I bought it and saw the label, I remembered the first time I bought cold medicine.

I was in college and had a cold, so I went to buy whatever was available at the bookstore.  Everything had this word expectorant on it.  I got into that fancy college, so I surely knew what expectorate meant.  To spit out.  So, expectorant must mean something that should be spit out.

I don't know how I got into that college.

So, after much deliberation, I bought one of them and brought it home.  And because it was an expectorant, I spit it out.  That's right.  I took the dosage, swished it in my mouth, held it there for a minute wondering how the vapors would get into my lungs.  And spit it out.

I did this several times, not letting a single drop go down my throat because it was meant to be spit out.  I didn't want it to poison me.

And as you can imagine, this didn't help one bit. 

I thought it was the stupidest way to take cough medicine ever, but there were no other options in the store.  And I kept coming back to that word:  expectorant.

Somehow, they let me graduate from that fancy school and I learned somewhere that an expectorant is something that makes you expectorate.

But not before I had spit out just about the whole bottle of Vicks Formula 44.

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  1. This made me laugh so hard. I cannot believe this actually happened. Although your college brush with Vicks 44 ended better than mine ;)

  2. How did you get into that fancy college? You must have written one terrific essay!! Haha!! Between that, setting up your greenhouse, and the girl scout cookies, I'm going to wet my pants!!
    Your Loving, still wondering and laughing, Mother!!

  3. OMG! I bet you thought the Girl Scouts baked those cookies, too! ROTFLMAO!

  4. Every time I get a bad cold it always starts with a sore throat too. It scares me bc immediately I fear it might be strep. What works for me is Theraflu for colds. Your new follower

  5. And Mom says I don't read the directions!!!

    1. I did read the directions! It didn't say to swallow or spit it out. It just said to take 2 teaspoons. I didn't know what it meant!


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