I'm Going to Hire A Maid

But not for the reason you might think.  I don't care about anyone cleaning my house.  BEcause if you  have a maid who comes to clean, you have to actually get your stuff picked up so she can come and clean.  And if I'm going to clean for my maid, then what's the point?

And I don't want a maid who will take care of putting things away for me.  That really just means hiding my things.  I already have someone in the house who likes to "clean" by just moving stuff but that really just makes my things disappear and when I need them, they aren't where they are supposed to by.  And this causes much frustration because it's always when I'm in a hurry and the thing I need isn't where it needs to be!

Here's the only thing I want.  I want a maid who will make my bed with clean sheets every single day.  There is something about sleeping on a sheets that are not yet used that makes me sleep so well and makes me just so happy. 

In addition to being able to make a fresh new bed every day, this maid will also have to wash the sheets and hang them on the line so they dry in the sun.  If it is not a sunny day, she will need to figure out how to make that happen.  She will not be putting these sheets in the dryer, under ANY circumstances.  They will crisp because they were line dried in the sun.

And she will be a she because I don't believe in male maids.  Tony Danza notwithstanding.  I am a chauvinist and will demand that my maid is a woman.  I haven't decided if she will wear a uniform.  If so, it will be very dowdy so as not to attract any attention to  herself.  Since she will not do anything but wash sheets and put them on the bed, she will not need to carry around the quintessential feather duster.  By the way, isn't a feather duster technically something that dusts feathers?  In my brain, that's what that sounds like.  Just like a vacuum cleaner sounds like something that would clean the vacuum.  But I digress.

Oh, and there is no pay or room or board for this maid.

Apply at your own risk.