Saturday, July 30, 2011

Sure I'll Sign For the Botox, Just Get Me Out Of Here

About 2 weeks ago, I started using this Lumene eye cream stuff because I am not entirely thrilled with my crows feet.  I used to us something else that sort of tightened things up for the day, kind of like the feeling of egg on your face.  I figured I could save money, so I started just using eggs on my face.  Just kidding.

When I ran out, I decided I'd keep using something on my eye area, so I went to CVS and was met with such an extraordinary line up of things to freeze every area of my face, I wasn't sure where to begin.  I can't really tell you what drew me to this particular number, but I think it had the least amount of scary words for ingredients.

In case you don't know about some of my idiosyncrasies, I have issues with lotions and cleansers, among many other things, so putting this on my face kind of negates all of my healthy living, as far as I'm concerned.  But, I would like to have tighter eye skin.  When I fussed about this to my dermatologist, and reminded her of my lotion issues, she suggested I could just gain 5 pounds a year and I could avoid wrinkles that way.

In other words, there's really no hope but I will jump on the money spending bandwagon and try to delay further signs of outdoorsy behavior.

Anyway, I thought this new stuff was doing wonders.  In my mirror, things do look smoother.  I know my mother is like "what are you talking about, you don't have wrinkles" and I'm not going to do the whole OH I AM SO WRINKLY thing because we  know what we see in the mirror and if no one else can see them, we still see them anyway.  No use pointing it out so everyone will look at only the wrinkles from now on.  And you won't have to look at them either because this cream is firming it all right up.

So, I'm really liking what I'm seeing.  And I'm thinking it's really firming up my eyes.  It's not getting rid of the circles like it claims, but I'll take one out of two if it really is happening.

So today, I met a guy who was delivering a trailer.  It was to be a very long and arduous afternoon of pulling one trailer out, putting the new one in, all the while, not hitting anything or anyone.  And I was the fool who thought I should keep an eye, a very firm skinned eye, on things so if something broke, or something was driven into, or someone got maimed, I would see it first hand.

Before all of the length of time and arduosity took place, he tried to make small talk.  I was ok with the small talk, thinking he was kind of young and this was probably one of his first deliveries and poor him, the salesman didn't tell him any of what he was getting into.  He just had that young look about him.

So, during the small talk, he said "So, you look like you're about my age."

Wow, what a compliment, he thinks I'm like 25.  I think I'm like 16.  Since I'm 36, I think 25 is a fine place to meet in the middle.

So I said "Yeah, probably"

And he said "Oh you're like 48?"


And since I have NEVER been good at comebacks on the spot, all I could shriek was "UMMM YOU"RE NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!  48????????"

And because I don't look mad when I'm actually mad at anyone outside of my family, I didn't look mad, so he kept going.  (I'm sure it was my super tight eyes that made me look like I was laughing) So he said "Oh, sorry, what you're like 44?  40?"

I just couldn't pick my jaw up off the ground.

Clearly, he wasn't looking at this because who looks at that and says 48?

And here was his best line "Well, sorry, I mean like you look like you're my wife's age and she's 36"

So I was actually able to think fast enough to say "THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU SAY 48????"

"Well," he said, "I don't know, I saw a few grays.... What are you, 38?  36?  34?"

"WE ARE DONE" I said and walked away, laughing.

Because what else could I do?  I have no problem with my grays.  Because they are more like whites, which look blond and when I get enough of them, they will look like I've highlighted my hair, for free, so I don't really care about that. I swear, that's how I think.

But I'm going to have to keep with the eye firming cream because I swear, the first person who tells me they guess 12 years too high because they "saw a few wrinkles" will be the first person I actually punch. 


Perhaps his 48 year old eyes need some spectacles.

**Now that I am a whole year older and wiser, and more wrinkly, I find this post pretty funny, so I linked up over here.
 and below.


  1. You have the ass of a 10 year old boy. And I am sorry, but this cracked me up big time.

    Last summer I was doing this charity thing and met up with a reporter and I was kind of screwing around and being flip with my answers. I told him I was 49 1/2. I thought he knew I was joking, but he printed it in the paper. I died.

  2. Hahahhaha, oh dear!! You absolutely do NOT look anywhere close to 48 - he definitely needs glasses!

  3. That ass don't look a day over 15, my love! This is why I NEEVEER guess ages. I'm terrible at it!

    More importantly, I'll be grabbing this eye cream ASAP. I am in desperate need of some.

  4. I'm 36 & would not have appreciated that one either! You definitely don't look 48!!!!! He's clueless. Also? Your eyes look great! :)

  5. Holy cow- you don't look 48 at all! He doesnt know anything whatsoever! Idiot!!


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